


Where we are: Here

by Alsike



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Online Dating, Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-11-30 03:05:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11454672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alsike/pseuds/Alsike
Summary: Alura In-Ze, recently divorced and mother of perhaps the most interfering nineteen year old in the world, did not want to go on this cruise. She is not interested in getting back in the dating pool. And she is most definitely not dating anyone who is attracted by the scandalous pictures her sister uploaded to Tinder.Lucy Lane, in the middle of a complicated career change cum break-up, would rather be studying for the California Bar exam--the hardest in the country!--than peacemaking between her sister and her dad on this cruise. Especially when all they can talk about is how she's ruined her life. And having just painfully exited a long term relationship, she's not looking for anything new.But sometimes things just happen.





	1. If it's actually humiliating does it count as a meet cute?

**Author's Note:**

> I have done a horrible thing. I have written completely straight up contemporary romance. I have written _VACATION_ romance. I hate vacation romance with every ounce of my soul. But here it is. ;_;
> 
> Title from Hellogoodbye's Here in Your Arms
> 
> (There is no plotttttttt. *cries*)

1

Under the beach umbrella and further under her sweeping blue hat, and beneath the wide sunglasses, Alura In-Ze, judge, workaholic, and recent divorcée sighed and checked her phone.

Kara. Again. This time sending a photograph of a man probably five years younger than her with a nondescript city haircut and a checked shirt that was supposed to signal 'fashionable but outdoorsy'. "Cute!" was the note beneath the photo followed by four emoji.

_Kara: Lawyer! Likes day hikes and kittens!_

Alura rubbed her temple. "No lawyers," she sent back.

_Kara: Sadface emoji._

Alura should have known that agreeing to vacation wouldn't stop the overprotective hovering that her daughter and her sister--though less obtrusively--were doing. Six months since her divorce from Zor had been finalized and fourteen months since he'd moved out and into his new girlfriend's house was apparently enough time for her to show some signs of processing or acceptance. What both Kara and Astra seemed to fail to recognize was that her pre-divorce behavior and her post-divorce behavior hadn't actually changed that much. She still had coffee and read the paper in the mornings, went to work, worked usually until it was too late to think much about evening plans, ate what she could, then fell asleep in a chair with a book, and, whenever she woke up, would go to bed for the rest of the night. On the weekends she would go to yoga and if she didn't have a terrible work backlog let Astra take her on hike, and sometimes go to the NC philharmonic. The only difference was that Zor wasn't there to complain about her late hours or the fact that they hadn't eaten dinner together since Kara had gone off to college, or about how much he hated the philharmonic. Honestly, the divorce was more a relief than anything.

But Astra had decided that her workaholic tendencies were a strategy developed to avoid having to spend long periods of time in Zor's company. And Kara was certain that she needed emotional support going through this rough period. Both of them, without consulting her, had decided that the solution was a vacation.

Alex, Kara's childhood friend, who seemed to be the only levelheaded person in the vicinity, just sighed when Alura asked her what had led to this. "You know they work each other up."

Alura's phone buzzed again. This time it had a picture of a man holding a kitten.

_Kara: Entrepreneur, keen bicyclist, big reader_

"Entrepreneur means he's unemployed," Alura sent back.

_Kara: Sticking out tongue face._

Agreeing to the vacation had in part been an excuse to get away from Astra and Kara's hovering. She had said no to anything with the word 'singles' in the title, because she did not need to be fending off advances the entire time, and though she'd been intrigued by the smaller cruise up to Alaska, the one to Mexico and Catalina Island was a good week shorter and she really didn't need to be away from work for that long.

She hadn't quite realized exactly how unappealing being stuck on a boat with spotty cell-reception would be. But Kara hadn't noticed the extra suitcase full of books and papers that she'd brought to the port, and hadn't tried to steal them away so she would have no excuse but to 'meet people'.

Finally, a slightly older man, with greying temples. _I-banker, yacht, golf._

Alura suspected that this was Kara's idea of complaining that she rejected all of the actually appealing prospects. Amused, she texted back. "Sure. Swipe west."

Bubbles with floating dots appeared, then disappeared, then appeared, then disappeared again, and Alura could imagine her daughter's indignant face, trying to figure out what to protest first.

 _Fine!_ was the eventual response, and Alura tucked her book into her bag and got up. The heat had become overwhelming, and she supposed she would go back to her bunk though it had already become a claustrophobic hole. For some incomprehensible reason, cruises weren't well equipped with libraries or quiet reading spaces. All of the public areas were just too noisy.

 _OMG, OMG, He's typing!_ came a text a few moments later.

Alura snorted and continued weaving toward one of the stairwells.

Possibly the worst choice that she'd made since the divorce was to allow her daughter to sign her up for Tinder. She'd thought it was safe, download the app, let Kara busy herself over setting up the profile (Alura, 43, Profession: Law, Interests: reading, early 20th century composers, nature. No Hookups.), listen patiently to Kara's explanation of how it worked, and then never look at it again.

Kara, however, was clever enough to deduce that this would happen and had taken over the day-to-day operation of the app, only contacting Alura when she'd decided that someone was worth a second look. Unfortunately, this seemed to be every ten minutes.

_Kara: Ah! He sent a message!_

Four seconds later.

_Kara: Nevermind._

After about the third time this had happened, Alura had done her own investigation and realized that when Kara's face flamed and she quickly deleted the conversation it had usually started with the charming opening line of something to the effect of "Do you do anal?"

Having been in the world for twenty-four years longer than Kara, this did not surprise her in the least. The only real difference was that on the internet it seemed to be an opener, while back when she had been single and in school, it had only come up as the third or later interchange. Still, it was probably a little different when someone said that sort of thing to your mother.

"Could you just be civil?" The door to the stairwell swung open and angry voices emerged. "It's his birthday, and we're crushed up in a tin can for a whole week."

"I'll be civil when he stops shitting on you for not reupping. You do everything he wants you to do, and it's still not enough."

" _Lois_. It's _my_ fight. I am thirty-four, I am old enough to--"

_Astra: Kara's all red._

A shoulder slammed into Alura who had paused out of range of the doors to check the text from Astra, and her phone went skittering across the deck. A heavy thump of something else landing on wood joined it.

"Shit!"

Alura found herself face to face with two attractive young women in bikini tops and sarongs. The smaller of the two was the nearer, looking appalled. She dove after the phone, and Alura bent down to pick up the hefty tome that had thumped onto the deck along with it. It was a study book for the California Bar Exam.

The girl grasped her phone and flipped it face up to check for cracks. Her eyes went unexpectedly wide. She looked up at Alura, her tan cheeks darkening further.

"I-- I'm sorry. I didn't see you."

"It's all right, I wasn't looking either." Alura held out the law book, something she had once been far too familiar with. The girl raised the phone as if to give it back, then her hand paused, her eyes on the screen once again. She swallowed, then thrust the phone back towards Alura and took the book.

"Sorry. Thank you. Sorry." And the girl grabbed her companion's arm and nearly hauled her away down the deck.

Alura looked down at her phone, still open to the chat with Astra.

_Astra: Ooops. Now she's angry. Think she found out I added this photo to your profile._

Square in the center of the scene was a photo of Alura and Astra back from their college years, both wet from the pond up at their parents' property. The idiot boy who had taken the photo had dared them, so there they were, looking as identical as they ever did, mouths pressed together in a chaste but suggestive kiss.

Across it was a pale strip bearing a caption. _How do_ you _feel about 3-ways?_

_Astra: It's still my favorite._

And that was clearly the image the girl had been transfixed by. How was it possible that her family was hundreds of miles away and still managed to embarrass her?

Only the In-Zes.

#

Lucy kept glancing back over her shoulder at the woman in the sunhat until she entered the stairwell and disappeared. Only then did she look around properly and notice Lois making a weird face at her.

"What?"

"What was that? Did you know her? Was she like an old professor who didn't recognize you or something?"

Lucy blanched. There was no way she was going to describe the sexy twin photo, clearly of that woman, to her sister. "Uh, yeah, I thought so at least, a TA from law school. Maybe just a doppleganger."

"Ha! Knew it." Lois grinned. "There was something about her face when she picked up your horrible book. An oh-god-not-this look. Had to be a lawyer."

Lois was far too self-congratulatory about a lie Lucy had told. Her deductions were never true. And yet, Lucy found herself looking back over her shoulder again. It didn't matter though, it was a big ship. Lawyer or not, she doubted she'd see the woman again.

"I don't see why you're still set on this move to California now that the thing with James imploded." Lois put a strawberry daiquiri in her hand. Lucy made a face at the question. Either she had to explain herself to her dad or to her sister, but no one just let her sort her life out in peace.

"I wasn't moving to California for James."

"Mhmm."

"Did you ever think I was moving to California because it's as far away from you and dad that I can get without leaving the continental US?"

Lois snorted. "No, because if that was the reason you would have reupped and finagled a posting in Thailand. Again."

Lucy sighed and sipped the frozen drink. She'd liked Thailand. She'd liked a lot of the places she'd been. But year after year of being told which cases she could take and which ones needed to be buried for PR purposes, it had grated away at her, until she knew she had to get out, or there would be nothing of her left.

James had been a good excuse, but she'd liked their long distance relationship for a reason--he wasn't there all the time and when he came to visit and take pictures it was exciting and fresh. Once she was back, and trying to live in the same space as him, it had just stopped being fun.

"I just need a fresh start."

"You need to get laid." Lois leaned back in her chair. "James was hot, but there is something to be said for trying new things."

As Lois had been in a happily committed relationship for the last fifteen years, Lucy just glared at her, and ignored her when she started trying to point out guys.

The worst thing was, when she did point out guys, they weren't the hot 20-somethings Lucy had been dating the last time she'd been single. While being away in the military, Lois had aged her up a dating category, and now was pointing out older guys, some of whom looked like single dads. She was not into older guys and she was _not_ into people with _kids_.

Whatever. If Lucy was going to use this vacation to sleep around, she was going to do it with hard-bodied gym bunnies, not already-failed-at-commitment-once divorcées. She'd thought she was ready for more than sleeping around once, but if James wasn't the guy, who was?

#

 

2

The most appalling part of the cruise so far, Alura decided, besides simply the endless chiming and cries from the casino and the arcade, was the communal dining aspect. Not only were all of the unattached passengers made to sit at the same long table--the Captain's table, they called it, which was a nice euphemism for the singles table--there was also a dress code. Alura, assuming that this was a throwback to true travel cruises where there was a certain formality observed, dressed in one of the--nine? there weren't even nine nights on this cruise--dresses that Kara and Astra had forcibly packed, and was seated among a group of people that she immediately feared would become far too well-known to her.

The Captain was among them, but her familiarity with Astra and her friends meant that the presence of a uniform did not occlude her vision of poor behavior, and it was clear that the Captain considered his table his personal dating pool. After perusing the occupants, he fixed on Alura, and she was unable to even attempt to appreciate the insipid attempts at fine dining while fending off his conversational sallies.

"Please excuse me, my drink needs refreshment."

Alura extracted herself from his attempts to call a waiter and hoped that by the time she returned, he would have fixated on someone else. But the bar at the center of the room was not a refuge. The Captain veered up behind her, and put a hand on her shoulder, informing the bartender to put 'whatever the lady wanted' on his tab, and to make it a double.

"Hey," an unexpectedly familiar voice snapped from the side. "I've been waiting. If you could not budge in front, please?"

Alura looked over and then froze. It was another military-style jacket, but this one on a much shorter frame.

_Oh no._

It was the girl from earlier. Alura probably wouldn't have recognized her face except for the fact that she clearly recognized Alura, and the look of wide-eyed horror that crossed her features was all too familiar.

First she'd seen Astra's idea of a joke, and now with the Captain fawning all over her, Alura probably looked like some kind of amateur prostitute. If this girl was indeed going to join the law profession in California, that impression needed to be excised.

"Yes, Captain," Alura said through half-clenched teeth, extracting herself from his arm. "That was rude of you. Please pay for the Major's drink, in recompense."

Both the Captain and the girl looked startled at this. Alura supposed not everyone could read military insignia, but it was second nature after hearing Astra's endless dissertations on pips and bars.

"Of course," the Captain said awkwardly, signaling the bartender. "My apologies, Major. I do hope you're having a good time."

"Sure," the girl said, clearly uncomfortable, and also clearly lying. "Um, I was trying to get a refresher for my table."

Alura gave the Captain a look usually reserved for misbehaving lawyers.

He hunched his shoulders childishly, and then scowled and turned to the bartender. "Whatever these women want, charge it to the ship. I'd better get back to my guests." He marched off stiffly, and the girl gave Alura a double raised eyebrows look.

The girl stepped up to the bar and ordered, and then cast Alura a curious glance. "What made you crush him like that? Was he angling for that twin threesome?"

Alura's face flamed. She coughed slightly, turning away. "As my sister is still in National City, that wouldn't be possible. It was a joke photograph. I'm sorry you saw it."

The girl's hands flew up into the air. "Oh no. Oh wow, no. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean--"

Alura sighed and pressed down her arm, cutting off her excuses. "Please don't worry about it. Order what you like. I think I've had enough of supper for the night."

Alura left the girl at the bar, left the dining room, and made her way to the stern, looking out over the ship's wake rather wishing she could walk right off this ship as well.

#

Lucy stared after the retreating woman--only whatever her exit was, it was not a retreat. Her face, sculpted in marble in its serious immobility, had been beautiful in spite of the fact that Lucy had completely failed to say anything civil or discreet. Dinner with her dad and Lois had already made her cross, and then the Captain was budging in line, and then that woman again, in a white sheath dress with her hair twisted up on top of her head, who was _gorgeous_ , and also--it was clear now--having a miserable time. Lucy had tried to make a joke about the picture, just wanting to make having seen it not weird, and only succeeded in horribly embarrassing both of them.

Lucy groaned, took the drinks from the bartender, who was giving her the sort of patent sympathetic look that she _hated_ , and brought them back to the table.

Lois frowned at her. "What took so long? The waiter's been by twice."

Lucy only glared back. "Don't ask."

#

Alura was awakened that morning by the sound of a text. She grumbled into her pillow and considered throwing her phone overboard at the next opportunity. She checked it.

_Alex: I'm so sorry_

_Alex: I think Kara cloned your phone or something? I'm so sorry._

The only other announcement was an email from the cruise of her schedule for the day, which ended with a lovely 8pm event labeled: Speed Dating.

The headache which Alura had thought had been caused by too much sun reemerged, and she sighed.

_Kara: Mom_

_Kara: Mommm, Alex is totally overreacting. It's really no big deal!_

_Kara: I know the older generation prefers to actually meet people face to face, rather than through the internet, so this is perfect, right?_

_Kara: and if none of them appeal, at least you'll know which ones are the creeps you need to avoid_

Alura let her head fall into her hand.

_Alura: I really don't see why you're so insistent on getting me a date_

_Kara: Mom. I just don't want you to be lonely_

_Alura: I'm not lonely_

Kara typed for a while, then the bubble went away, then it came back again. Finally a message appeared.

_Kara: I know. But _I_ feel lonely when I know you're spending another night or weekend all by yourself._

Alura sighed. She loved her daughter, and saying things like this only made her love her daughter more. But it didn't make the things her daughter wanted her to do any less irritating.

#

"Dad, stop it!"

"You wouldn't understand. You don't just go career for twelve years and then just not reup."

"Maybe she got tired of living her life for you and wanted to start living her life for her!"

"That doesn't mean starting all over again as a civilian! If she wanted a US posting, if she wanted time off to marry that _photographer_ and start a family, I could have sorted it out!"

"Maybe she didn't want you sorting out her life for her either!"

Lucy sighed and stared at her suddenly unpalatable breakfast. At least when Dad and Lois were fighting about something that wasn't _her_ she could just tune out. She knew those scores.

Dad: when is he going to retire? why hasn't he dated since mom died? when is he going to develop a hobby that's not shouting at young people? why hasn't he seen the doctor recently, he could have diabetes!

Lois: why hasn't she married that farmboy reporter of hers? Is he really not going to have grandchildren from her? She's almost 40, it's too late anyways! Why does she keep refusing promotion to editor? How can she have grown up with him and still not understand the first thing about the military lifestyle?

But on this trip, their favorite subject seemed to be Lucy, and all the ways Lucy was ruining her own life.

"Hey," she finally interrupted. "You guys can keep going, but I'm going to find a quiet place to study for a couple hours, okay?"

"Sit down, Major," Dad demanded. "We're not done discussing your choices."

Lucy smiled tightly. "I said you could keep going. But regardless of what you say, I've still dumped James. I'm still leaving the military, and I'm still moving to California. So, if you come up with any options that don't involve changing one of those basic facts, let me know. Until then, I actually need to study. So I'm going to do that."

She picked up her book and left.

The real problem was that the only quiet cool place on the ship seemed to be her bunk, but Lois could come bursting in there any moment, and even the thought was giving her anxiety. There were promising places: the upstairs lounge above the bar--closed during the day, an auditorium with no programming--locked, the bridge club--waiters kept bothering her until she had to leave.

She worked her way down through the halls of cabins and bunks, spotted the doorway to the engine room: no trespassing. And then saw one more door: Tendor Lobby. It was slightly propped open.

Lucy had no idea what a Tendor Lobby was supposed to be, but there weren't any signs that said employees only on it. So she peeked in.

It was a room, plain and mostly linoleum, unlike the rest of the ship. There was a small archway with two doors with large red Do Not Touch signs and chains on them, but the rest of the room was innocuous. There was a folded up table leaning against the wall, and two plastic chairs.

One of them was full.

 _Fuck_. Lucy said silently to herself. This had been looking like a lovely, quiet place to study. And if anyone else had been in the chair, she would have just sauntered in and taken the other one without a qualm. But of course it was the woman from yesterday.

It was not surprising that she had also been looking for a quiet place to read. Clearly, interacting with people had been going as well for her as it had been for Lucy. She was in sweatpants and a camisole top, her hair in a low ponytail, and she had her feet propped up on the folded table and seemed absorbed in her book.

Lucy felt guilty enough, and the fact that her head had decided to refer to the woman as Twins+ was not helping the situation. But she did need to study, and it was quiet in here. It was time to take the bull by the horns and fix things.

"Excuse me."

The woman flinched as she looked up, as if she thought she was going to be ordered out of here. Lucy put up her hands.

"I'm so sorry for interrupting. I just--"

The woman recognized her. Her expression went dark.

"No, please." Lucy flapped a little, and then got ahold of herself. "I am really not stalking you or anything. I'm Lucy," she stuck out her hand. No response was forthcoming. "Lucy Lane. And I really can be a normal and polite human being, I promise. I just wanted to ask if it was okay if I took the other chair." She held up her book like a shield. "I was looking for a place to study. Everywhere is so noisy. And I don't want to interrupt your quiet time either--"

"It's fine."

Lucy peeked out from behind her book. The woman was smiling softly at her, crinkles around her eyes and dimples in her cheeks. "Really?"

"Really. Studying is important. When are you taking the bar?"

Lucy blinked at her. Had Lois been right? "Um, in July."

"That's soon!"

Lucy let out a breath, suddenly feeling more at ease. "Yeah. I wasn't planning on derailing everything for a cruise either, but my sister planned it for my dad's birthday. And if I'd let them go alone they would actually kill each other. So," she shrugged, hands up, as if to say, 'here I am.'

The woman laughed, it brightening her face so that none of the marble from the night before was apparent at all. She looked gentle, and Lucy felt so ashamed of peeking at her phone and then embarrassing her the night before. "What's your name?"

The woman looked surprised.

"I mean, if you don't want to tell me, that's fine. But I just-- I would really like a name so I don't keep thinking of you as--" Oh no, not again. Lucy's face seared with heat.

Alura's eyebrows raised in incredulity. "Ah, um. Alura," she said, and held her hand out this time. "Alura In-Ze."

Lucy grasped the hand gratefully. "Alura, lovely. I think I've heard that name before. I--" Lucy froze, the soft cool hand still in her grip. "Oh," she said. "Not . . . Justice In-Ze of the second district appellate court?"

"I'm afraid so."

Lucy covered her face in her hands. "I promise I will never, ever tell about that picture. I'm _so_ sorry."

Alura laughed, and when Lucy peeked, she was ducking her head away. "It's fine. Really. My sister's troublemaking tendencies are a known quantity among my colleagues. I think possibly the most embarrassed person was my daughter, who was the real target of the prank. You were just an innocent bystander."

Lucy finally breathed out and rubbed the back of her head. She was smiling and couldn't seem to stop, but was unsure why. "Well, if it's your _sister's_ fault, then I understand that for sure."

"You mentioned you have a sister also?"

Lucy sighed and dropped into the other chair. "It's always well-meaning, right? They're just trying to help. But even when she's not trying to embarrass me to 'toughen me up', she's trying to chat up guys for me, I would just rather _not_."

"I understand that very well," Alura said. "My daughter has also joined in the fun." Her phone chirped, and she sighed. "Case in point." She held out the screen.

Lucy felt her face heating up again, but this time there was no flustering and taboo-breaking photograph of Alura and her twin engaged in a kiss. It was just a man of indeterminate age--early 40s maybe?--in a buttondown with a loose tie and a puppy tucked in his arm.

"She shows me a photo and asks 'would I date this man?' and I don't have the heart to tell her that I will never, ever date anyone who is so clearly marketing himself to insipid twenty-somethings on the internet." Alura sighed. "I'm afraid that next year my daughter is going to be one of those insipid twenty-somethings on the internet, and I have done my duty raising children. If she ends up with the offspring of a one-night-stand, I am out of it."

Alura rubbed the back of her neck. Only she wasn't out of it, of course. She would never let Kara have to go through something like that on her own. Which meant she probably needed to be more proactive. Perhaps if she and Astra double-teamed the situation--

"Seriously," Lucy said, making a face. "I've told my sister that kids are a deal-breaker over and over again, but she doesn't seem to hear it. I think she wants to get dad off her back about it, even though she and Clark are totally set and neither of them particularly interested in reproducing. But, like, the last thing I want to do is sign up to be a _stepmother_."

She flipped open the book on her lap, and huffed.

Her certainty was charming. Alura hadn't even thought about dating a man with younger children of his own. She suspected Kara had been weeding them out for her. _Someone_ , she suspected, wasn't all too enthusiastic about 'competition'.

"And it's not like it sucks to be single," Lucy continued, taking a pencil down from behind her ear and stabbing at her book. "I've only been single for like six months. I don't need a barrage of guys until one of them finally takes down the defensive artillery."

"I've been enjoying it," Alura said. "Finally, my space is mine, my plans are my own, the only dishes in the sink I put there, and no one leaves stinky socks in the bathroom. Kara being off at college helps too, I suppose."

"Sounds great," Lucy said. "I've been living with my sister and her partner until I get my ass in gear and actually move to California. Let's just say, they don't have military standards of clean."

Alura laughed and Lucy caught her eye, grinning in return, and then settled back into her book. Alura watched her new companion for a moment, rather surprised. She'd turned out to be friendly and polite, and it had honestly been the most enjoyable interaction she'd had this entire cruise.

And now, if Kara asked her what she'd been doing this morning, she wouldn't have to find some way to avoid saying 'hiding'.

She settled back into her book and enjoyed the quiet.

#

"Do you mind if I ask you about this question?"

Alura glanced up from her book. "Go ahead."

Suddenly awkward under that steady gaze, Lucy looked back down at her notes. "What do you think about this?" She read the exam question and quickly explained how she would go about answering it.

Alura frowned. "That's good, except what you said about hierarchical command--that doesn't apply with police custody."

"Oof," Lucy said, and made a note. "It's hard to break 12 years of habits. So much overlaps, but California is just different enough that it screws me up."

"You're a Major, so you were a military lawyer?"

Lucy nodded. "JAG."

"Why'd you decide to leave?"

"Got sick of having other people pick which cases I could or couldn't pursue. My dad will never understand that. And definitely not why I'm leaving the army to go do probono work in NC."

"You have a job already? Which firm?"

"Grant and Jones."

"Oh?" Alura smiled. "We see a lot of them in the appellate court. I look forward to seeing you there too."

Lucy's face flamed. She was intimidating when she wasn't being Judicial. Trying a case in front of this woman might kill her. "I'm scared enough of this bar exam. California is the worst one. Don't make me scared of what will happen if I pass it too."

Alura waved her hand. "You'll manage. But if you want to be sure, give me another answer. I've graded for the bar exam before."

Lucy gaped. "This isn't-- you're on vacation."

Alura closed her book. "I prefer work to vacation anyways." She grinned, fiercer than Lucy had expected, and Lucy ducked her head, peeking at her book, and then finally lifted her head and met her gaze, no longer nervous about grinning back.

#

 

3

"Yes Kara, I have, in fact spoken to another human. A lovely young woman. She's studying for the bar and so I quizzed her--" Kara's groan of despair was audible three feet away from the phone. Alura sighed.

"But have you met any _men_."

"Hey!" Alura heard Alex from somewhere beyond the phone. "She might meet a hot lady. Don't judge."

Kara grumbled, and Alura put another checkmark in the list of ticks for Alex eventually coming out. The list had started with the blatant awkwardness Alex had exhibited upon becoming a teenager--mostly around Astra, who did tend to come home on visits between tours and spend the days lounging in various states of undress around the house or by the pool. Alex as a teenager had also been a pain to her mother and a complete jewel when she spent time at Alura's house. There were signs. Enough so that Alura had had to scold Astra and tell her not to torture Alex or lead her on, as she was _fifteen_ , and Alura did not need any scandals in her house, thank you very much. Even though her position was appointed and not elected, judges were held to a higher standard of conduct than other people.

"Fine," Kara grumbled. "Have you met any men or hot ladies?"

"Well, the young lady taking the bar--"

Kara's cry of anguish again made her hold her phone away from her ear. "You're the one who said no lawyers! Please mom, _please_ , just do the speed dating thing. I promise I will stop asking if you just give it a go."

"Fine, fine. I will 'give it a go'."

Alura had made it through dinner by following the dress code to the bare minimum--slacks and a sweater--and had found a seat as the fourth in a trio of younger women who were on a birthday cruise now that their children were old enough to be left for more than a few hours. Alura made herself agreeable to the barrage of baby-pictures and anecdotes about incompetent husbands. She hoped, for their sake, that the anecdotes were exaggerated, because she would not have survived Kara if Zor had not been equally good with babies--if not better. (And she wished him and his new girlfriend well, if, as she suspected, they were soon to have a new one.)

After dinner she returned to her bunk and considered her options for the speed dating. The prospect filled her with horror, but she'd promised Kara, and so she needed to make an effort. She still forewent the heels. There was making an effort and then there was self-torture, and she would fix her hair and make sure her earrings matched her dress, but if she could avoid heels she would. Also, she didn't need more height. She knew her natural stature could be intimidating enough.

She found her way to the Royal Lounge a few minutes early, and stayed on the edge to avoid lingering with the prospects.

" _Lois_. Let go of me," a familiar voice complained, and Alura looked up, seeking out Lucy in the entrance to the lounge. She was with the other woman Alura had seen her with before, her sister, taller and fairer, but with a cleverness to her face that made Alura wary. Lucy was also dressed up, though Alura suspected subterfuge on the part of her sister. She looked very nice in a short black dress with her hair pinned up in the back. Darkened lashes with both shadow and liner made her eyes very distinct and mysterious. But with her protests to her sister, she retained the callowness that made her seem younger than her years.

"Lucy," Alura said.

Lucy spun around, out of her sister's grasp, and spotted Alura. She seemed to pause, her mouth opening, her eyes going wide. "Oh," she said, a surprised tone in her voice. "I didn't-- I didn't think you'd be here. But--" She grinned. "--Kara, right?"

Alura snorted. "Correct in one."

"Excellent," the other woman, _Lois_ , Alura recalled. "You have a friend. Friend," Lois addressed her. "You get to keep her here. It was a pain in the neck getting her to this event, but my little sister needs to get back on the horse already."

"Lois," Lucy hissed. "I'm here, aren't I. Now go away."

"Alright," Lois said, eyeing her suspiciously. "But I'm expecting a full and detailed report, right? Got it?"

Lucy stomped and waved Lois away. Lois, laughing, retreated.

"Your sister is a lot like mine," Alura said.

Lucy let out a full body sigh and nudged up against Alura, like they'd known each other for years rather than for a morning. "I don't know if she wants me to be happy or wants me to suffer. Probably both."

Alura nodded. "That's usually what I assume of my sister also."

Lucy ducked a glance up at her from under a stray lock of hair and grinned. "You look really nice."

"Oh, thank you." Alura smiled. "So do you."

Lucy gave a glance around at the milling populace, and then shot Alura a sneaky look. "How serious are you about going through with this?"

Alura followed her gaze and grimaced at what she saw. "I promised Kara, but really . . . if there were _anything_ else--"

"Let's bail."

Alura raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"The upstairs lounge over the other bar is reasonably quiet and has booths. The main point of this is to drink loads between each three minute conversation. So let's just go somewhere else and drink and we can make up horrible conversations to relate to our yentas afterwards."

"You've-- already spent nearly all day with me."

"And I would rather spend the rest of the day with you than with any of these idiots. I know that already." Lucy took her hand, tangling their fingers together. "You in?"

Alura gave the populace one more look around. Compared to the warmth of Lucy's hand in hers, it was entirely unappealing. The prospect of escape offered a thrill of excitement. "I'm with you."

"Come on, there's a back way, in case Lois is still lurking." Still holding her hand, Lucy tugged her through the crowd. They found the door, Lucy checking right and left for her sister, and then they scampered.

#

Alura was flushed when they made it up to the bar. But she was smiling, easy and warm, like she hadn't been the first few times Lucy had seen her. She was so pretty--even in sweats she was pretty--and all dressed up and also happy, she was a knockout.

The waiter came by, and they ordered cocktails, and when Alura gave him her room number, he checked it in his electronic notepad and blinked. "Ah, everything is on the ship then, ladies. I'll come by frequently, make certain you're having a good night."

Alura shrugged in response to Lucy's questioning look. Lucy shook her head and grinned. "I suspect the bartender from last night."

Alura laughed again. "I don't mind running up the Captain's tab in the least."

"He looked like a total creep. I'm sorry I didn't actually help very much. But you dealt with him fine."

Alura shook her head. "I haven't been this obviously single in twenty years. I'm afraid I'm out of practice."

Lucy screwed up her nose. "Even when I was in a relationship I came off as single. Didn't help that it was long distance, but still. Real sharks don't care about relationship status when they move in to take a bite."

The first round of drinks arrived, the waiter giving them a knowing grin, as if he'd picked up on the grapevine and was happy to be running up the Captain's tab also.

"Well," Alura said. "The difference between being picked up when you're single and being picked up when everyone knows you're married is that when you're not interested you can't just play dumb."

Lucy cocked her head. "Does that mean that sometimes when you were married you _were_ interested?"

Alura sputtered in her drink. Lucy grinned, hopefully clarifying that she was teasing, and Alura leaned forward, narrowing her eyes. "I was married, I wasn't _dead_."

Lucy's face got hot, and she half doubled over herself to hide the fit of the giggles that sentence had sent her into.

"But sleeping with the sort of man who would make a move on his friend's wife would make me wish I were, so no. I wasn't ever interested."

Lucy took another sip of her drink, considering that response for a while and feeling a bit jealous of it. "I was, sometimes. We had an agreement, sort of 'what happened in Thailand stayed in Thailand', but I keep wondering whether those times where I wanted someone else, wanted them enough to take them to bed, meant that I was fooling myself with James all along. We thought we were being so mature, having a lasting long distance relationship. It was always really great when we got to see each other, and meanwhile he sent me photos and I complained about work, and it felt real. But then I came back to Metropolis and . . . it wasn't--at least for me."

Alura sighed. "It sounds perfectly grown up. But according to everyone else, ever since I got appointed to the appellate court I haven't actually been married. I just had a roommate who was slowly becoming more and more annoyed by my inaccessibility, and no one was surprised at all when he started seeing someone else."

Lucy grumbled at that. "It's the appellate court. Of course it's going to take up a lot of your time and energy. You're _making law_. I don't suppose he asked you how it was going either, or wanted to know anything about it."

Alura smiled at the leap to her defense. "To a non-law-professional, one court is rather like another."

Lucy huffed. "Why did you marry a non-law professional anyway?"

"Honestly?" Alura laughed. " _Because_ he was a non-law professional. I was still in law school. It was a relief to be around someone who didn't have any investment in the cutthroat game of internships and fellowships."

"Ugh, yes." Lucy grimaced. "I remember. They all thought I was crazy for doing JAG, but that was always the plan. My sister thinks I did it to please my dad, but I kind of think I did it to one-up him. I wasn't just a good soldier. I was a soldier _and_ a lawyer. He couldn't compete with that."

"My parents were both attorneys. My father was appalled when I became a prosecutor and then a judge. He thought I had joined the enemy." She rolled her eyes, still clearly frustrated by that comment. "This was particularly irritating to my sister who had joined the air force in order to annoy our parents, and our father was never anything but supportive of her career."

Lucy laughed. She'd known she wanted to spend this evening with Alura, but she hadn't realized just how much she liked her. She could be sly and fierce and playful, and told very dry jokes, and was immediately honest about very personal things, which made Lucy want to be honest in return. The waiter came by. "Same again?" And the refills were delivered without delay.

Somehow, Alura ended up telling stories about Grant and Jones and the cases where they had met across the bench.

"This is terrible. You're going to turn me against my future colleagues before I've even met them."

"It's only fair. All you attorneys gossip about judges. We so rarely have a chance to get our own back."

"I won't gossip about you. I swear it."

Alura shook her head, amused by Lucy's earnest oath. "You're sweet. But your firm knows the ins and outs of my divorce better than I do. I'm certain Cat Grant knew Zor was cheating before I did. In retrospect, she dropped some very heavy-handed hints."

"But you didn't think he could do that to you?"

Alura's mouth grew taut, her jaw, as hard as ice. She looked away, eyes shadowed. "I didn't see any reason why he would. I hadn't noticed anything was wrong."

Lucy's heart sank in her chest. At the end of it with James, she had been the one who noticed that everything was wrong. Nothing felt normal, nothing felt right. And when she'd finally said so, told James, "I don't think this is working," she'd been blindsided by the surprise on his face. Surely he'd been seeing the same things. Surely he'd been wondering why it all felt like . . . not enough. But he hadn't.

She'd broken his heart.

"You never stopped loving him. And he . . . did."

Alura's eyes fixed on hers, strange and pale. "Did it matter how I felt if I never showed it? How was I supposed to remind him that it wasn't a waste of energy to care for me if I never showed that I cared for him?"

James had tried to show her every day. Lucy swallowed. "Sometimes people just change. Sometimes they're not . . . good enough to see what's right in front of them. They only see the empty spaces, not realizing that if they let go of the full bits, the empty spaces won't get less empty. It will just all be empty."

"Perhaps it simply meant that I didn't value him enough to be concerned with his feelings. Maintaining a sense of romance was never something I was very invested in. Zor was there, he was help and support, and he was a wonderful father to Kara. And then my life changed when I became a judge, Kara got old enough to look after herself, and I forgot why I needed him around."

"If he didn't offer you anything, he didn't deserve you. You deserve someone who can care about what you care about, _because_ you care about it. And someone who won't get bitter and feel neglected because you have other important things in your life. Maybe it's a romantic cliche, but is it too much to ask to be with someone who makes you happy and makes you feel good just by being there?"

A slow sharp smile spread across Alura's face. "My daughter thinks I can find this person on Tinder."

Lucy snorted into her drink. "Well, like, statistically, it's possible?"

"Wait until your sister signs you up for internet dating apps."

Lucy made a horrified face. Then they both laughed. The waiter came by with more drinks.

It was a good night.

#

 

4

It was a little past 2AM when they were shooed out of the bar. They took the leisurely route on the deck to the stairwell that led down to the cabins. Standing over the stern, the cool night wind taking away some of the heat the alcohol had left in her cheeks, Alura found herself holding Lucy's hand, and feeling more calm and peaceful than she had for a long time. Staring out at the moonless night sky and the trail of the pale ship's wake far below, the commercial façade of the cruise no longer seemed so divorced from nature and reality.

"I wanted to try the cruise to Alaska," Alura said absently. "I hadn't quite realized how much I would hate cruises."

"Going Alaska sounds nice," Lucy said. "Maybe a boat ride that isn't a cruise ship. Not a lot to do, but quiet and books and the sea . . ."

She trailed off, just staring off into the water. Abruptly, she turned around and looked up at Alura, all wide eyed and a little unfocused. They had both had quite a lot to drink.

"Thank you so much for ditching with me. I had so much a better time than I would have." She frowned. "It would have been terrible, so that's not really a compliment. I had an excellent time, a wonderful time, a best time." She was frowning again. "With you. And the Captain's tab."

"I did also," Alura said, and Lucy broke out into a wide grin.

"That's great! That's really great. I'm so glad."

"But, perhaps it is time for bed?"

Lucy looked even more shocked than she had. "Really?"

"You share a room with your sister, correct?"

Lucy nodded. That was a relief. She would have someone to watch over her. Lucy's head tipped to the side and she smiled uncertainly. "Should we go to yours then?"

Alura blinked. Had she thought it was a proposition? "Ah-- I think you should go to your bed, and I should go to mine."

"Oh! Oh." Lucy nodded seriously. "Okay. I can do that. I was just a little confused because you said it's time for bed, and not 'beds'." She frowned. "No one says 'time for beds' though, do they? Why not? That's confusing."

"It is, rather," Alura agreed, amused by just how drunk her friend was. "Will you let me walk you to your cabin?"

Lucy smiled up at her again, wide and pleased. "Yes." The wind whipped her hair around her face, out of the pins that had done their best to hold it up throughout their night of drinking. Mussed, but still lovely, Alura felt warm affection for her rise in her chest. Also a little concern. She was tiny. She should not have let Lucy match her drink for drink.

They began to make their way toward the stairwell. Lucy clutched at her hand, and bumped her shoulder into Alura's side, wobbling in her precarious shoes. Alura, glad for her flats decision, extracted her hand and wrapped her arm around Lucy's shoulders, so as to better guide her. Lucy leaned into her and let out a sigh.

They made their way down the steps to Lucy's floor and then down the hall to the cabin Lucy shared with Lois. Outside, Lucy groped unsuccessfully for her passkey. Finally, she found it, brandishing it with success. And then she smiled up at Alura again, looking just a touch less drunk. "Thank you again. I had a really good time."

"I did too."

Alura was about to turn away, when Lucy's hand caught her shoulder, and she turned back to Lucy just as she pushed up on her toes, and went to press a kiss to her cheek. Alura had turned just enough so that Lucy caught the side of her mouth.

The gentle press of lips, strangely unfamiliar, sent warmth running through Alura, a soft ache opening up in her chest. "Lucy."

Lucy's eyes were wide. "Sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. Nope. Nope. Good night." She hit her passkey on the sensor, and stumbled into her cabin. The door clicked shut behind her, and Alura was left in the hall, suddenly feeling quite as drunk as she actually was.

#

When the phone rang in the morning, Alura threw it across the room. It kept ringing, and finally she dragged herself out of bed and over to find it.

"What is it?" she growled into the receiver.

"Mom?"

 _Kara_.

"Oh, Kara." Alura sighed. "Good morning. Sorry. I was sleeping."

"It's after ten."

Alura glanced at the clock and indeed it was. "I didn't get to sleep until late last night." _This morning_.

"But-- the speed dating ended at ten. If you just did that . . ." Kara fell silent, and then her breathing became quite audible.

"I went out for drinks with someone."

"A date?" Kara squeaked. "Did my _mother_ go on a _date?"_

 _"Kara."_ Alura said flatly. She had no right to be that shocked. Really, what had she been thinking with all of the pressuring her onto Tinder and speed dating? Was she testing an oath of celibacy that Alura had never made? "It wasn't a date."

"You went out for drinks and didn't get in until--until when?"

"2:30?"

" _2:30_?" There was a thump, as if Kara had dropped the phone.

The next voice was Alex's. "Kara. _Kara._ Stop having a nervous breakdown."

"My mom went on a _date_."

"It wasn't a date," Alura said again, though doubting anyone would hear her.

"Hi," came Alex's cheerful voice actually into the phone. "So, was it a date?"

Alura huffed out air. "No. It wasn't a date. I went out for drinks with my friend Lucy, the one who's taking the bar soon."

"Ahh, so no speed dating then?"

Alura hesitated. "I ran into her there. But, well, we ditched."

Alex laughed. "I see. Meeting up with a friend going out for drinks. So-- eight until two, just drinking?"

"We put it on the Captain's tab."

"And did you have fun?"

"Of course. Lucy's lovely."

Alura could hear the grin in Alex's voice. "Sorry Kara, I'm not yet sure if it was a date of not. But she did have a great time."

A strangled noise from Kara emerged through the phone.

"So tell me, date or not a date. Did she kiss you?"

Alura began to say no, and then hesitated. That wouldn't be strictly true.

"Alura? _Alura_. I'm not hearing a no."

"Yes, but . . . it was an accident."

Alex snorted. "Sorry, Kara. It was definitely a date."

"It was an _accident_."

"No way," Alex said, the grin still bright in her voice. "You're too happy for how hungover you must be. It was totally a date. A good date." There was an unfortunate meep from Kara. Alex chuckled. "Anyways, I'll try to talk Kara through her nervous breakdown, and you can enjoy the afterglow."

" _Alex,_ " Alura protested. But Alex had already dropped the phone from her ear.

"Come on, Kara. You were the one who wanted your mom to start dating again."

"It's different when she's actually _doing it_. Oh no, you don't think--"

Alex pressed the end call button and Alura was left unprivy to her daughter's anxiety. It was probably for the best. And it was better Kara get it out of her system now than when Alura was actually dating someone--if that ever occurred.

Still, maybe Alex was right,--for the way her head felt, her mood was better than expected. It had been a good night, and it was pleasing to think that she'd made a friend on this cruise. The prospect of finding something to do with her day did not seem quite as dire as it had before.

#

Lucy awoke alone, but a glass of water and two aspirin had been left by her bunk. Sometimes Lois actually was the best sister. She groaned and took them. She wasn't sure whether being mid thirties made her less tolerant of alcohol, or if she was as tolerant as ever, she just drank vast quantities more. It had been free, of course she had drunk too much.

The memory of Alura's mouth against hers percolated up from the alcohol fogged depths of her brain. Lucy froze and choked on the water. Oh no. Had she really kissed her? And snuggled against her, and assumed that her concern for seriously drunk Lucy was an invitation to bed?

Lucy pulled the pillow over her head. This was worse than the threeway invitation. They had been having such a good time, and Lucy, drunk and horny, had decided that it was time to make a _move_.

What was _wrong_ with her? Always, when she had a good thing, she spoiled it with poorly considered _feelings_.

Lucy flopped around until she found her phone. Two texts from Lois--the first, _B_ _reakfast's ending comatose kid_ \-- _get up here if you want to eat_. And _Better be up by noon, we're actually docking today_ _\--_ _I demand your shopping company_.

And then there was a third. James.

_I hope you're having a great time on the cruise. Just wanted to let you know that I decided to take the job at the Tribune. Maybe I'll see you in NC. Wish your dad a happy birthday from me, but, you know, silently. D:_

Lucy sagged back into her pillow. James was such a good guy, and she'd blown up that relationship like a grenade. They'd been living together, planning their move to California together. He'd supported her while she'd fought with her dad over leaving the military. And then there'd been that one last fight. "You don't know when you're lucky, Major! You always think you know better, you can do better when things are just as much as you deserve!"

James had been waiting for her to come home after, to offer her comfort, and she'd walked instead, from her dad's place in Midtown all the way down to the Brooklyn Bridge and out into the center where the wind was strong and fierce.

She'd stood there until the sun went down. And then she'd gone home and broken James' heart.

She wanted to cut ties, make a fresh start, not drag lingering dead-weight across the country with her. She'd thought all she needed was her own stubbornness. When she made a course, she stuck to it, even though the farther she marched the more unfamiliar became the terrain and the hazier became the map.

All of that going it alone, proud independence--now it felt like nonsense. She was just an asshole who couldn't care about anyone besides herself.

Lucy tried to get some grease into her at lunch. Dealing with Lois on a shopping mission was not something to do on a queasy stomach. While she was grimacing over whether she could manage the third sausage, she spotted an approaching figure. "May I invade your table?"

Alura was standing over her with her own lunch. She looked casual and pretty in a hooded sweatshirt and jeans, and Lucy forgot how to speak for a moment. _Oh no_. It probably shouldn't have been a surprise, but it hadn't just been a drunken pass, had it? She was really attracted to Alura.

Alura looked hesitant, and Lucy suddenly realized she'd been asked a question. "Yes! Yes! Sit!"

Alura let out a breath like a laugh and took the seat across from her.

"Sorry, I'm still a bit hungover."

Alura wrinkled her nose. "We may have overindulged a bit."

"I peeked at the bill. Over $200 on the Captain's card."

Alura laughed.

She was so pretty when she laughed. And she wasn't acting like Lucy had done anything appalling last night. Lucy hadn't really hidden just how drunk she'd been, and Alura had probably put anything uncomfortable down to that.

"I think my daughter is a little less enthused about me dating than she thought," Alura said with an absentminded flick at her phone. "She thought I had hit it off with someone at speed dating and stayed out until 2am, and nearly had a nervous breakdown."

Lucy wanted to smile, but so many words were popping out. _Daughter,_ was a key one. She'd told Lois over and over again that kids were a deal-breaker. But Alura's daughter was 19 and at college. She wasn't looking for another parent. Lucy wasn't interested in older men, but this felt different. Alura was only a few years older than Lois. Her sense of stability and self-knowledge was attractive. She was an _appellate judge_. That was a turn-on in itself. Lucy just liked Alura as a person. And goddamn it, she was pretty.

_What happened to so stubborn you have to go it alone? What about how much Alura is enjoying being single? What about the fact that Alura was faithful to her cheating bastard of a husband for twenty years? Who knows if she's even interested in women. What about . . ._

_James._

She'd told Alura last night that she deserved so much. She deserved to be loved without her having to sacrifice the amazing person she already was. She deserved someone who was constant, not fickle like her husband, not fickle like Lucy.

"Oh?" Lucy managed. "So you didn't hit it off with me?"

Alura's smile widened and she ducked her head, a strand of hair falling down over her face. Lucy's heart clenched. No. It didn't matter. Alura deserved so much. She deserved someone better than her.

#


	2. No. I forbid there to be complications through miscommunication. Everyone communicates great, they just all think like idiots.

5

When Lois came into the dining room she was expecting to find a very miserable and grumpy Lucy half splayed across the table. But instead she was sitting up and smiling and talking with her hands to the woman Lois vaguely remembered from the previous night.

Lois paused, watching for a moment, considering how she would frame this if it was an opening for an interview.

_My sister Lucy, no longer wearing the drawn face that she's worn ever since she fought with Dad about leaving the army, lit by the sun coming through the window, the sea sparkling behind her, speaks with enthusiasm, her hands in the air above the table. Her companion is leaning in, her chin propped on her fists, watching as if Lucy was saying the most interesting thing in the world . . ._

Lois stopped. Oh. Okay. This was interesting.

She sauntered forward and placed her hands on the edge of the table. " _Lucy_. Debarkation at noon, I told you."

Lucy startled, and looked up. "Oh, what?

" _Noon_ ," Lois repeated. Then she glanced over at the woman across the way. Casually dressed, but upright and composed in a way that made Lois suspect she had a fancy-clothes job. She looked more like one of Lois's contemporaries than of one of Lucy's, which, if it were a guy wouldn't have bothered her. Older women though-- The woman met her eyes steadily, with a line between her brows, evaluating Lois back with equal intensity. And okay, girls weren't Lois's jam, but with this one, she kind of got why Lucy was into it.

Lois smirked. She was going to winkle all the dirty details out of Lucy once it was over.

"Hi, I'm Lois." She stuck out her hand and gestured to Lucy with her head. "This little brat is my baby sister."

"Alura," the woman said, taking her hand. She looked at Lucy, her gaze going soft before turning back to Lois and returning to chill formality. "She's told me quite a lot about you."

"Not you," Lois replied, narrowing her eyes. "I think you're her secret."

" _Lois_ ," Lucy protested. "I told you."

"Yes, but now I've put the math together and you totally got drunk with her and _without me_ last night. I feel abandoned." Lois turned her grip on Alura's hand and tugged her up from her seat. "But the way to make it up to me is for both of you to take me shopping."

"Um," Alura looked over to Lucy clearly checking for protests, but Lucy just made a face and shrugged over-dramatically. "Alright."

"Excellent."

#

The island was a crescent of lovely beach, backed by low mountains,framing pristine beachfront architecture which sold relentlessly tourist-focused merchandise. Lois trailed after Lucy and her friend, watching--with some concern--the way Lucy casually hooked her arm through Alura's elbow, unconscious of how easily she touched her when Lucy could be prickly with overly familiar strangers. Lucy was definitely unconscious of the way Alura looked startled and then relaxed into her touch. Lois wasn't sure how to interpret it, but she was going to keep watching.

Alura kept frowning and wrinkling her nose at what was on offer. "I suppose I should get my daughter something."

Lois, about to explain just how the fact that everything was made in China made it even more local and authentic, froze, the words dying on her tongue. Daughter?

"What sort of things does Kara like?" Lucy asked. She knew about the kid? And she wasn't running like fire was chasing her?

"Well, you've seen her taste in men." Alura's dry sarcastic tone was a surprise.

"I _have_ ," Lucy tapped her chin, considering, and then turned, ruffling through a box and coming out with a plush sea otter wearing a Catalina Island t-shirt. "This?"

Alura's hand went to her face, her shoulders bowing in laughter. "How could you possibly guess?" She took the otter as if it were perfect.

"So, you have a kid? How old?" Lois asked casually, sensing Lucy stiffening beside her.

"Nineteen."

That was older than she would have guessed. Lois stared. "How could you have a nineteen year old kid?"

"It's not that unlikely," Alura said, a twitch to her lip as if she was slightly amused at the unintended compliment. "I had her right after law school. I was full of hubris right then. Probably it was a good thing. If I had started my internship without getting pregnant first I might never have done it."

"Jesus," Lucy said. "An internship and a baby?"

"I survived." Their eyes met, a smile like a communication, and Lois cringed. "Barely."

"Yeah," Lucy said, then smirked at Lois. "If you'd had a kid after undergrad you could have a nineteen-year-old too."

"Oh gross. And no I couldn't. Seventeen, eighteen at the most."

"What about getting something for your sister?" Lucy asked Alura.

Alura sighed. "Yes. And Alex, definitely something nice for her. She's been managing everyone in my absence it seems." She held out her phone. "No more Tinder prospects from Kara." She made a slight face. "I wish she'd call thought. I hate knowing she's upset and not speaking to her."

"Tinder?" Lois asked.

"My daughter thought she wanted me to date. But she was second guessing that this morning."

"Hah," Lois grinned. "I haven't put Dad on Tinder. Maybe OK Cupid for him."

" _Lois_. Dad doesn't even have a phone phone."

Lois waved a hand. "He needs to enter the modern era."

Lucy seemed to be waiting for something--for a threat that Lois would sign her up too? Nope, just gonna make her sweat.

While Alura was interrogating a shopkeeper about the provenance of a souvenir item for her sister, Lois sidled up to Lucy. "Well, this is interesting."

Lucy flinched.

"I haven't seen you this flattened by a crush since . . . since ever."

"Shh," Lucy hissed at her.

Lois grinned wider. "Aww, you've noticed it's a crush."

"I just . . . like her, okay? I like how she looks at me like I'm smart and worth her time."

"You're adorable."

Lucy glared.

"I suppose growing up with a single dad might make you more inclined towards older women."

"Lois!"

Lois laughed at the bright embarrassment and indignation on her sister's face. "Teasing, teasing. She might have a nineteen year old daughter, but she's still hot."

Lucy crossed her arms in her usual 'huff' position.

"Are you going to go for it?"

"What? No! Of course not."

Lois raised an eyebrow. "She's hot. You need to get laid after that pathetic ending with Jimmy. According to her daughter, she also needs to get laid. And you're on vacation. If it goes badly, you never have to see her again."

"That isn't _true_. She's a judge for a court in the district I have a job offer in. I make a pass at her and she's going to be looking down at me for the next thirty years with a literal gavel in her hand."

"I still think you should do it."

Lucy's mouth pinched. "Now I'm even less likely to. I know how taking your advice goes."

"Your loss here."

Lucy seethed at that for a few moments. "I _can't_. She's so obviously straight and even if she would go for it, she's better than a quickie in her bunk."

"Ugh, I didn't think about that. Those beds are tiny."

"I mean, I could always--" Lucy cut off the sentence, eyes going wide.

Lois laughed hard. "You've given this a lot of thought."

Lucy crossed her arms and would not look at Lois. "I'm creative."

#

After shopping, Lucy was pulling to walk the trails up in the hills. Lois was game for the first few miles, until they came upon a drink-stand, and she said she was going to have a mojito and that if they were going to be exhausting in the sun, they could pick her up on the way back. Lucy slipped her hand into Alura's and tugged, and they left her there.

Lois was a lot like Astra, Alura had decided. Friendly and charming in her own way, but always a little too clever for her own good. And Lucy, as the younger sister, clearly got the brunt of the best cutting remarks. She liked Lois well enough, but Lucy was her favorite.

"You can keep up," Lucy said, grinning at her as they headed for the highest point. It was hot enough that Alura had taken off her sweatshirt and tied it around her waist, leaving her shoulders bare to the sun in her tank top, but not so hot as to be unpleasant.

Alura rolled her eyes. "Basic athletic ability is not reserved for military personnel."

"Does your sister tease you for doing yoga?"

"She doesn't have to sit at a desk for sixty hours a week. She doesn't have the right to tell me to let my upper back atrophy to protect her tough image."

Lucy was looking at her upper back and biting her lip. Where she stood at the top of the island, behind her lay only ocean and sky. The sun shone off her hair and it and the exertion had warmed her skin to gold. The wind whipped her hair around her face, and Alura thought of kissing her again.

She didn't do it. It would ruin the moment, but the thought was pleasing enough.

#

Back on the boat, Alura went to her bunk to put her shopping away and call her sister.

"What did I do to deserve to hear your voice?"

Alura laughed. They hadn't always been so easy with each other, but somehow, after Kara was born, Astra showed up more, and things slipped into what they always had been meant to be. "I spent the afternoon with a pair of sisters. It made me think of you."

"Oh? One of them your new friend that Alex was being all coy about?"

"It wasn't a date. Lucy's a sweetheart and it's nice to have a friend on this ship."

"I didn't imply anything," Astra retorted, mock offended. "Alex was the one who kept being like, 'it sounded like she had a nice time'. Kara is still mortified."

"Is she all right?"

"Of course she is. Alex took her to the aquarium to distract her."

Alex was such a good girl. Alura sighed, letting her mind flick back to the moment on top of the island. "I did have a nice time. And . . . maybe I wouldn't mind kissing her for real." It was strange to entertain the thought without guilt or reticence. She could be attracted to someone, feel attractive, without wondering whether she shouldn't be.

Astra's end of the line was quiet for a moment. "This is a turn up," she said finally, softly. "How long have you been thinking about kissing girls?"

"Since you brought that one to the lakehouse?"

"When we were seventeen? _Alura_. You never share."

"It didn't matter. There was never a girl I wanted to kiss, and then I married Zor, and that was that."

"You could have mentioned that when Kara was setting up your Tinder."

"There was no point. I am never, ever, dating anyone from the internet. Hopefully, now that she realizes what it would mean, she will end this fruitless quest."

Astra snorted. "Hmm. Only from the internet though? Before this cruise you seemed pretty certain that you never wanted to date anyone again ever."

Alura hesitated. "I don't. Honestly, the idea of inviting someone else into my life is exhausting." Not just exhausting though. The knot in her stomach felt like fear. This was just an idle attraction, there was no need to wonder what she had done to drive Zor away, no need to wonder if she would ever keep and hold someone's interest again.

"You do know that not all dating has to entail cohabitation and marriage. Especially when you're on vacation. Have a fling. Be naked with someone. How long has it been since you were naked with someone?"

"Zor and I had scheduled--"

"That's not what I asked."

Alura sank back into her bunk and sighed. Scheduled Wednesday night sex hadn't been a leisurely affair. Astra had heard the details with her boyfriends, and Zor, when he was just a boyfriend, and how she felt about lazy summer afternoons, how she felt about being with someone, their body open to her. It had been a long time since she'd had that. It had been a long time since she'd been comfortable enough with Zor to trust him with that.

"But I like her."

"If you didn't, you wouldn't even be thinking about this. Not everything has to be serious, 'lura. And not everything casual has to be bad."

"I put casual away twenty years ago. I didn't think I'd go back. It feels . . . childish, and irresponsible." And there wasn't any point in trying for something more than that. She wasn't enough to keep someone, Zor had shown her that. She didn't need to try and fail over and over again like someone too foolish to understand inductive reasoning.

"Oh thanks."

"I didn't mean you're childish and irresponsible! You chose a different lifestyle than me."

"A less adult one?"

"Of course not."

Astra sighed. "Are you scared of trying this?"

"I don't want to hurt her." Alura swallowed. "I don't want to get hurt."

"Being an adult doesn't mean you won't get hurt. It doesn't mean things aren't scary anymore. You don't get to be in control of every situation. But that doesn't mean everything will inevitably end badly. If you really want to be alone, you should have what you want. But if you won't let yourself need other people because you're scared they'll do what Zor did to you, then you need to get over yourself."

How was it that Astra knew her better than she knew herself. "I don't know what I want."

"You don't have to. You're on vacation. Just enjoy yourself. Then send pics. I want to see Kara's face when she sees them."

#

 

6

"Alura!" Lucy called out when she spotted her entering the dining cabin, in another attractive dress, her hair falling loose over her shoulders.Lucy would almost say that she liked this dress code thing, if it put Alura into attractive dresses all the time. It also meant she could dress up and not have Lois wiggle her eyebrows at her about the 'effort' she was making.

Alura turned, smiling even before she saw Lucy's face, and came over. "Join us?" Lucy said. She'd heard enough of tales from the Captain's table to want to give her an alternative offer.

"Thank you," Alura said. She inclined her head to Lois, who grinned and gave Lucy a surreptitious elbow.

"This is my dad, General Sam Lane," Lucy waved a hand, at her dad and tried not to see him as Alura probably would. He was a bald, older man, and he gave gave Alura a squinty-eyed look. The lines around his mouth dipped like he was rarely pleased, which wasn't untrue. He grunted his welcome, and Lucy kept smiling tightly, hoping he would pick tonight to not be terrible.

"Pleased to meet you. Thank you for letting me join you. I'm Alura In-Ze."

She sat down when he didn't respond.

"Justice Alura In-Ze," Lucy clarified. "Of the Second Circuit court of appeals--that's National City and the surrounding area."

Dad narrowed his eyes further. "Are you saying you ran into your new boss?"

"Um, no," Lucy said. "It doesn't work like that. She's a friend."

"So you're saying you were just trying to impress me by telling me all that."

Lucy shut her eyes.

"Dad, shut up," Lois said. "Let them nerd out about the California Bar exam, not that they didn't do it all day today already. I have to put up with it when you and Lucy talk army."

"Ah," he grunted, giving Alura another sidelong glance. "So you're encouraging this nonsense."

Alura frowned. "I wouldn't call a career change nonsense."

"Dad," Lois said again, trying very hard. "Why don't you ask Alura about her daughter. She's nineteen. I'm sure she will show you pictures if you ask."

Sometimes Lucy really loved her sister, even if her efforts were futile.

"Oh, so you have one of your own, do you?" Dad grunted. "What if it was your daughter? Throwing away a twelve-year career to start all over from scratch."

Alura took one look at Lucy, but Lucy couldn't look back. This was exactly what she hadn't wanted to happen. Then Alura turned back to her dad, a muscle flickering with tension in her jaw. "If my daughter ever spends twelve years in a career executed with such accolades as Lucy has--first of all, I will be very surprised and proud--and second, if she tells me she needs a change, I would not question her for a moment. Clearly she has proven herself to be competent and sensible and I should trust her judgement. Lucy is an adult. She has been responsible for herself, her education and her career for a long time. I know it must be hard, but at some point you have to accept that your child has grown into an independent person and you are no longer required to make decisions for her."

"You think you can come here and tell me how to parent my child?"

A huff of tight breath; Alura's eyes were fierce. "You _asked_."

"I don't need advice from some--" He looked at her as if he was trying to find some specific insult. "--jumped up woman."

Oh good. The old classy ones. Lucy stood up. " _Dad_." Her hands were shaking, and it was hard to take a breath. "You can't treat me like this."

"I'm not treating you like anything. I'm simply expressing disappointment with your decision making."

"In front of my friend."

"As if you brought her here for any other reason than to try to sway me on this. When I think you're making a bad choice, I will tell you so."

"I am making _my_ choice." Lucy slammed her fist down on the table. "And I don't need you second guessing every move I make."

She looked at Alura, but couldn't see her, because her eyes were blurry with tears. "I'm sorry," she said. "I hoped he could be civil with a stranger for a single meal. I'm sorry."

She fled.

"Wow Dad," she heard Lois say as she left. "What was that, five minutes?"

#

Alura found Lucy at the stern by the abandoned shuffleboard courts. The only thing no one seemed to do on this cruise was play shuffleboard. Lucy was sitting on a bench looking out over the wake, sniffling.

"Lucy."

Lucy sank further. "Fuck. Look at me, toughest soldier on board this boat."

"Family is always different."

Lucy took a breath, steeling herself, tension vivid in the back of her jaw. "I apologize for him. And more, I apologize for leaving. I was ashamed to have my dad treat me like a child around you. And then I acted like one."

Alura put a hand on her shoulder. "You were very dignified."

Lucy laughed wryly, ducking her head. "I'm thirty-four. I am not a child. I should be able to handle my choices, and I should be able to handle my dad's disappointment. I just-- usually I can figure out some way to spin it to make him happy. But nothing's worked this time."

Alura settled in beside her, keeping her hand on Lucy's arm, hoping it would help steady her.

"Worst, I keep wondering if he's right. I'm letting go of so much--of part of who I am. And I don't know what's coming. Maybe every job will be just as much of a compromise, just as soul-crushing as my last one. What if I made a mistake?"

Alura leaned back against the bench, breathing out a long sigh.That was a familiar thought. Taking a step away from a future all laid out, trying to see what the new path might contain.

"Being an adult doesn't mean that you can't be hurt. Or scared or confused. Or need someone." She caught the flicker of movement as Lucy looked toward her, but she stayed staring at the sea. Her situation was different, because Lucy had chosen her change, and Alura had only chosen it by not acting, not realizing what doing nothing would result in. But it would always be strange, this view from adulthood, when you were supposed to know what came next, to have it under control, and have the future be a looming locked box.

"I spent a long time not needing anyone, and I ended up losing the people I had. I have my sister and my daughter, but everything feels uncertain and strange now. I know what it's like to wonder if you've made a mistake." She turned to Lucy and squeezed her hand. "But you didn't.You made a plan. From my perspective, you have it all worked out. You don't need to be afraid. If it turns out you don't want this, you haven't burned all your bridges. I know they'd jump to have you back. You can change your mind--without shame. But I think you're going to be a genius at whatever you chose to do."

"Thank you." Lucy leaned in and buried her face in Alura's neck.

Alura put her arms around her and they sat on the bench, Lucy wrapped up in Alura's arms, as the sun set behind them.

#

In the morning, the Tendor Lobby was locked, like it clearly was supposed to be. Lucy sighed and sank down against the door, her book of practice exams in her lap. The stewards would be along any minute to kick her out of the stairwell--"it's a fire hazard"--and where could she go then?

"Ah, no luck today?" Alura was standing up on the steps, looking soft in her comfortable sweats.

"Everywhere quiet on this ship is off limits." Lucy made a face. "And Lois tried to talk to me last night. I pretended I was asleep though, so I'm avoiding her."

"You can't even go to your bunk?" Alura shook her head. "Come to mine. You need to study." She reached out and gave Lucy a hand up. "I'm expecting you to prove your father wrong in every way."

It was just a ship's bunk, a single bed with a fold down side-table: far too small for two people to stretch out in. Lucy hesitated in the doorway, but Alura propped the pillows up and put down the side-table for her, and then curled up on the other end, taking out her own book. Right.

There was no way Lucy was going to tell Lois about this--no way she could, not without wild assumptions being made. She climbed up and settled into the spot Alura had made for her, opened her book and started the next practice test.

She'd worked her way through four essay questions before she got distracted by her bedmate.

"What exactly are you reading?" Lucy asked. The book looked like a murder mystery, but the paper cover had started to slip off, and underneath the binding was a little too familiar.

Alura quickly pulled up the slip cover so the binding was no longer visible. "John Grisham, of course."

Lucy snorted. "That's a James Patterson slipcover, and it is also clearly on a volume of selected opinions."

Alura covered her face. "You try having two hundred cases a year. I got behind on keeping up with what my colleagues were doing."

"And the slipcover?"

"I didn't want Kara taking it out of my bag."

Lucy snorted. "You are not at all how I imagined an appellate court judge. You're better."

Alura gave her a narrow-eyed look. "Why? Because I let my teenage daughter boss me around?"

"Because you _don't_." Lucy grinned and flicked the slip-cover. "You just let her think she can."

Alura shook her head, half smiling, her eyes staying on Lucy. It felt like she was looking at Lucy's mouth, but that couldn't be true.

"She just wants me to have fun and relax. Somehow she doesn't understand when I tell her that a week away from work isn't relaxing, it's just anxiety inducing. How much is piling up while I'm gone?"

"There's no reason you can't have fun _and_ get work done." Lucy said. "We should go swimming, after we've both finished a suitable amount."

Alura wrinkled her nose. "So many children everywhere."

"After dark," Lucy said, "when they've been put to bed."

Alura nudged her with her shoulder. "If you insist."

"But for now, we get to work."

This time, their shoulders were settled together as they worked, and Lucy took comfort in the small noises Alura made, _hmm_ s, and _what?_ s, as she made her way through the opinions.

After a time, Alura shifted and slid her arm around Lucy's shoulder. Lucy leaned back into the curve of her body and read aloud another essay question answer.

"Hm, I wouldn't have thought of that at all, but you're right, it applies."

Her thumb was rubbing over Lucy's shoulder and Lucy, pleased, leaned her head against Alura's collarbone.

"Honestly, you're far ahead of most of these children taking the exam. They've never had to take their own case and apply the law to it outside the classroom. I feel like I should tell you that you could relax and not work yourself into the ground, but then I wouldn't get to enjoy your company like this."

"I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I wasn't studying."

Alura narrowed her eyes. "Now you're sounding too much like me. Kara would hate me if I rubbed off my workaholic tendencies on a normal person."

"I'm not a workaholic!" Lucy protested. "I just like structure. Day for work and night for play."

"So you never play during the day?" The slyness was back in Alura's eyes, the half-grin. Lucy's stomach tumbled. This was flirting, right?

"I-- not usually. But I could be convinced to take a break if . . . I had a good enough offer."

The teasing faded from Alura's face, instead she was looking at Lucy, very hard. Lucy, her chest tight with unexpelled breath, waited.

"Would you mind if I kissed you?"

Lucy's lips parted, her heart suddenly racing. She hadn't expected this. She'd _imagined_ and wondered, but expected? Not at all. "I, um, _no_. I wouldn't mind at all."

Alura smiled, gentle and pleased, and Lucy found a hand cupping her jaw, a thumb stroking over her cheek, and then Alura, her mouth warm and soft, her lips pressing against Lucy's, and Lucy clutched at her hooded sweatshirt and kissed her back.

Usually, when Lucy was kissing someone there was some sense of urgency, pressure, as if the kissing was only a prelude to something more important. But Alura kissed like there was nowhere else she wanted to be, nothing else she wanted to do. Lucy sank into her, letting herself be kissed and kissing back, matching the lack of urgency and softness. It was so easy and gentle that Lucy didn't even notice that Alura was shifting her weight until she was flat on her back with Alura hovering on her elbows above her.

"Still all right?" Alura tugged at the zip on her sweatshirt, her face flushed, and Lucy scrambled to help her get it off. And then Alura was leaning down again, taking her mouth, and Lucy's hands found skin and the muscles of her upper back, and fuck, Alura was kissing her. Alura wanted her. This was so much better than she'd ever thought it could be.

#

 

7

They missed lunch.

The ship's horn blew, announcing impending dinner, and Lucy lifted her head from where it had ended up resting on Alura's bare collarbone, their torsos skin to skin. Alura's arms were looped around her, one stroking the skin of her waist, the other tangled in her hair, rubbing down the back of her neck.

She felt hazy and sated and so relaxed, and Alura hadn't even touched her below the waist. She pressed a kiss to Alura's shoulder and breathed out against it. "We should feed you. I feel like I've been responsible for you missing way too many meals."

"Not _you_ ," Alura mumbled.

"Mostly me." Lucy slipped onto her to kneel over her hips, taking in her bare chest, a little more marked than she'd intended. "I hope lunch was me."

Alura grinned up at her, eyes lidded. "Lunch was definitely you."

Lucy couldn't not kiss her again.

#

"You're looking particularly nice tonight," Lois said, sidling up behind Lucy as she was fixing her wings at the mirror.

"Shut up," Lucy said.

"And you were gone all day."

"I was studying."

Lois tweaked a red mark on her neck, and snorted, "yeah, studying _chemistry_."

"Oh my god!" Lucy smacked her hand away. "What are you, fifteen?"

"You're the one sneaking off to go ' _study_ '."

"I _did_ study!"

"And then you made out."

Lucy flushed.

"Oh my god," Lois patted her cheek. "You did, didn't you? You didn't even have sex. You just made out like teenagers."

"We made out," Lucy said, glaring. "It wasn't like teenagers at all."

"Aww, baby sis. Did you get some under the bra action? Was there kissing with _tongue?_ "

"I hate you."

"You love me."

"I really, really don't."

#

As Lucy left, Alura catching her before she headed back to her room with her shirt on inside out, stripping it off and redressing her, and Lucy reaching up, watching her like she was something special, and kissing her one more time before exiting, the reality of the situation set in like the unexpected blow of a wave.

Alura dropped back onto her bunk and put her hands flat on her face. "Fuck."

She should have known not to trust Astra or listen to her advice.

Lucy was adorable and vulnerable and so smart and pretty, and she'd wanted to kiss her, wanted to spend the afternoon making love to her, and it had been just as good as she'd imagined it would be--better. Not a hint of impatience when Alura wanted to spent an hour mapping the curve of her shoulders with her mouth, just as pleased to try every possible touch in the lines of Alura's throat to see which elicited the best reaction. She liked it when Lucy lay on top of her, cat-like and lazy-eyed, mumbling nonsense about how pretty she was. She liked it when she found just the right place to kiss her and Lucy would arch under her and gasp. It had been long enough that she'd forgotten just how much she enjoyed being physical with someone she liked.

And if she'd done it before the dinner debacle last night, she might have been able to forgive herself for it.

Her phone beeped, and Alura found it buried under her abandoned sweatshirt. Kara had texted.

 _Finally_.

Not getting bombarded with pictures of men from Tinder had been a relief, but Kara's radio silence for the past day or so had been hard. She trusted Alex--and to a lesser extent Astra--to take care of her daughter, but it was hard to be the problem and be unable to be part of the solution.

_Kara: Can I call you?_

Alura immediately pressed send. Her baby girl didn't ever need to ask to call her.

"Mom?"

" _Kara_."

"Hey," Kara's voice was soft. "I miss you."

"I miss you too, baby girl. I hate being here without you."

"Hanging out with me wasn't the _point_." Kara huffed. "But maybe I should have rethought the point a bit."

"You're not actually so excited to see your mother dating?"

Kara made a grumbly noise, and Alura could imagine her scrunched up face. "I don't think it's bad, not objectively. I just don't . . ." Kara was quiet for a moment. "Would you ever get back with dad?"

 _Oh_. The question felt like a wet rag to the face. Of course she would be thinking about that, but Alura _hadn't_. The idea felt like a weight settling heavy on her chest. Going back--that would be hard enough. Going back to not knowing how unhappy he was, to taking in his daily bitterness and packaging it up and setting it aside so it wouldn't interfere with what she needed to do, to living with someone when it only made things harder for her, when she was better off alone. If she could make it so he'd never left her--she wouldn't want to.

But going back wasn't possible. Taking him back would be worse. The thought made her sick. Taking him back would mean forgiving him. She'd have to listen to his apologies and excuses. Or worse, he wouldn't regret it and she'd be the one expected to take the villain's part--for her neglect, for her lack of attention. It had happened, and maybe she'd hurt him, but she would never grovel because of it.

"No." It wasn't what Kara wanted to hear, but she would not lie to her daughter. "I won't ever take him back."

A soft sound came from Kara's side of the phone, then a scrunch as if she'd dropped onto a duvet. "I didn't think you would."

"No?"

"I hoped . . ." Kara sighed. "Maybe that's why I was pushing you so hard, to say 'hey, there's no one better out there', but I mean-- I love Dad, but I can't believe he would . . ." She swallowed. "I don't want you to take him back. I just wanted none of this to have ever happened. I wanted to not have to know that we weren't a happy family."

"We were. Whenever you were around we were both so happy. You made us happy."

Kara hummed at that. "You deserve to be happy for other things than me."

"Maybe, but I don't need them."

"I want you to tell me about your date."

"You don't."

"I do. Alex talked me down and gave me hugs when I started to cry, and then took me to see the otters. I can be a grown-up about this."

Alura sighed. "It's sort of complicated."

"Oh?" Kara sounded intrigued. "Do you need dating advice? I can give advice! Is he secretly married? Or maybe he's an alcoholic? Or is he into BDSM--" She cut herself off. "Please don't tell me if he's into BDSM."

Alura laughed. "Nothing like that. And Alex didn't mention it? I've been spending time with . . . a young woman. Lucy Lane."

"Oh." Kara's tone was unreadable. "That's . . . new. Um. How young?"

"Thirty-four."

Kara huffed. "That's _old_."

Alura covered her eyes and laughed again. "Well, if _you_ don't think she's too young for me, then it's fine, isn't it."

"Thirty-four is like, I've been a mom for five years age. If she was like twenty-five I'd be like, um, 'go Mom,' but also, 'please don't'." Kara paused, and Alura imagined her twiddling her hair. "What does she look like?"

Alura bit her lip, and then slid into the camera part of her phone. She didn't like to document everything about her life, but she _was_ on vacation. She found the picture of Lucy on the top of Catalina Island, wind in her hair, scrunching her face at the camera, framed by sea and sky. She sent it.

"Oh," Kara said softly, on receipt. "She's pretty."

"Yes."

"And she likes you?"

Alura sighed. "Yes. I think so."

"You think so? Have you talked about it?" Kara hesitated again. "With girls, sometimes you have to talk about it."

"Is this from personal experience, my young college student?"

" _Mom_. I just know some things, okay?" She shifted, the comforter under her crinkling. "Alex told me."

Alura laughed silently to herself. "No, we haven't talked about it. But . . ." How to phrase this. "There may have been some . . . physical interaction?"

Kara gasped, shocked. "You hooked up? My _mom_ hooked up? How much? Was this like first base or-- no, actually, please don't tell me. I don't need to know that."

"I am not going to tell you. But-- it was nice."

"Oh no, that's still TMI."

"She's pretty, and she smells good, and she's an excellent kisser."

" _Mom_."

Alura smirked. "It was _very_ nice."

Kara groaned, but it ended with a laugh. "So what's so complicated about it? Sounds like you're having a good trip."

Alura paused. She sighed. "I am. But . . . I'm really not looking for anything serious. I don't need that right now. I have you and Astra, and Alex counts as part of our family, and I just feel like we've been through enough. You don't need me trying to change things further. But Lucy--"

"She likes you, you said."

"Maybe too much?"

"Oh." A crunch indicated Kara sitting up. "Are you going to break her heart? Oh my god, Mom. I didn't think _you_ were going to be the heartbreaker in this equation."

"I don't know. I might be overthinking this. But . . . her family is here, and she's having a difficult time with her father--a disagreement about a career change--and I've accidentally put my nose in the middle of it. She needs support, and I want to support her, and also . . . 'hook up', but I don't want her to assume that it means something more serious than it is."

"Wow. Um--" Kara didn't seem to have anything to say. "--I guess, just be honest? Maybe sooner rather than later? But, like, you don't have to rock the boat to have a girlfriend either, Mom. Casual doesn't have to mean you cut off all contact when you dock in NC."

"I'd like to stay friends. If her new job works out, I'll probably see her on occasion in the future." That was really all she could ask for. Nothing about her life felt like it could hold anything else, even if she'd wanted it too.

What would it even mean, to date Lucy after they were back in National City? Alura didn't know how to _date_. Bringing her to work functions and having everyone stare and go, _oh_ , I didn't think _you_ were the one having a midlife crisis. Or wondering if perhaps the reason it hadn't worked out with Zor was because she'd been secretly seeing women on the side all along. She had no plans to change her work habits or her lifestyle. Lucy would end up getting tired of her, just like Zor had, and then all of those embarrassing interactions would be for nothing.

"Then you should say that you want to keep it low key. And, like, if she knows what's going on for you, she'll probably be cool about it."

"This all sounds unpleasantly like good advice."

"And tell her _before_ you hook up again. Nothing kills the afterglow like a, hey, this is casual, right? You won't get weird if I bang your roommate too?"

That sounded a little too specific. " _Kara_."

"Um, not that I have any experience with that?"

"Go to Astra and make her tell you about the time with the Zebra--she'll know what I mean."

" _Mom_."

"I mean it."

"Ugh, fine."

"I need to go, baby. It's time for dinner. And I need to find my bra."

The strangled sound of despair made Alura grin, and she dropped the phone on the bed, turning it on speaker, so Kara could keep her company while she got dressed.

#

It had been such a good afternoon. And then Lois had been irritating enough that Lucy had nearly not had time to fall back into her anxiety. But then, on their way to the dining cabin, Lois had wrapped her arm around Lucy's shoulder and squeezed. "I wasn't entirely sure about this at first, she seemed . . . nice. But who wants that? Then she verbally smashed Dad. And, well, if she makes you look like that, she's okay in my book. I haven't seen you this worked up about someone since those first couple of dates with James."

It was as if her blood had turned cold. James. "He's moving to National City," Lucy said.

Lois gave her a sharp look. "You don't have to see him."

Lucy looked away. "It shouldn't bother me. I broke _his_ heart."

Lois made a face. "Honestly, that's worse. You can always be angry or piney when you run into someone who hurt you, but if you hurt them you just feel guilty, even if they seem over it."

Lucy took a breath. That's what it was, guilt--normal guilt, right? And she hadn't thought of how she'd hurt James all afternoon. She'd just let herself be. It had been nice to not have to feel conflicted about all the decisions she'd made recently. Being around Alura made that easy.

Dad was waiting for them at the table.

"Lucy."

"Dad."

General Lane's mouth pinched into a line and he half inclined his head. "Your sister has made it clear that I should respect your decisions, or I won't have the pleasure of your company at my birthday tomorrow night."

Lucy sighed. "I wouldn't miss your birthday, Dad. And I don't even mind that you don't approve. Maybe you're right, and maybe you're not. But if you _ever_ use my friends as leverage to try to change my mind again, I'm out."

"I hear you." He glanced up, and his eyes widened a little. "Um," he said. "I'll go make my amends."

"Wait-- what?" Lucy looked around, but she was too late. Her dad was already making his way over to Alura who had just come in, casually attractive in slacks and a shirt the same pale blue of her eyes. The patched elbows of her short jacket made her look like an old-fashioned professor. "Oh no."

Alura's taut body-language said that she was not pleased with the situation either. But slowly she relaxed and thank god, it looked like her dad wasn't making a complete ass of himself. And then he offered his arm. Alura hesitated, but then took it gingerly, and they were coming over. There was something about her dad's body language, about the way he held himself proudly--

"Well," Lois said, resignedly. "She is hot."

Oh no. No, no, no. "She's _mine_."

Lois looked at her and snorted. "Aww, that's a nice possessive streak, isn't it? For someone you've known for three days."

"I don't-- agh, I don't mean that. But she's not _his_."

"Well then, what are you going to do?"

Lucy stood up and approached, her jaw set. She held out her own hand and Alura grasped it gladly, slipping away from her dad. There was some shuffling at the table as Lois made sure she was sitting on the same side as he dad.

"I'm sorry," Lucy hissed.

Alura made a face. "At least he's trying to be nice."

"You're being nicer than you need to be."

Alura's eyes narrowed in that slightly evil way that always made Lucy's face heat up. "I could kiss you right now, and then he might start another scene."

Lucy grinned and shook her head. "You need to eat, but thank you for the offer."

Lucy kept her side pressed into Alura's all night, fending off Dad's more blatant attempts at flirting. It was embarrassing, and Lois, invisible beside Dad, kept rolling her eyes dramatically.

It became a bit of a game. Alura would mention something about her work, about how she got many appeals cases from young Latin men who had nothing more than circumstantial evidence backing up their convictions. And Dad would grunt and begin to say something that everyone would regret, and Alura would just look at him, and Lucy would look at him, and Lois would kick him under the table, and he would backpedal and say something like, 'the law sounds like a tricky thing.'

It wasn't a _fun_ game, but no one stormed out of dinner. Lucy would take what she could get. And as if she couldn't help it, or didn't even notice, Alura kept touching her, putting her hand on Lucy's, or touching her shoulder, or brushing invisible things off her cheek.

They weren't even being subtle, and this wasn't the first time Lucy had dated a woman--the blow up when she'd come out as bi to him had been . . . par for the course. But he didn't notice _anything_. It was infuriating.

#

"Oh man, I bet you're seriously regretting getting involved with me now that you know it comes with my family."

Alura slipped her hand into hers as they retreated back to the only quiet part of the deck--the shuffleboard courts, secluded behind a few windowless steward cabins. "Your dad is no worse than half of the people I work with on a regular basis."

Lucy grimaced. "Way to make me excited about my new job."

"If I didn't think you could manage, I'd be a little sorrier about always having to recuse myself from your cases."

"Oh," Lucy huffed out a breath. "You do have to, don't you?"

"Lucy," Alura's voice was tense and hesitant. She released Lucy's hand and folded hers together. "I like you very much."

It felt like a warning. "I like you too."

Alura sighed and pushed her hand through her hair, it fell down around her face. "I don't regret this. I hope . . . you will be my friend after this is over."

Lucy felt her stomach twist and stiffen.

"Even if we hadn't . . . I would have still had to recuse myself. I don't try my friends' cases--or my enemies'. But I know you know that everything is complicated for me right now. I'm just not in a place where I can promise anything. And on vacation things are intense, but they're not--"

"No. No. It's fine," Lucy managed. She didn't want to listen to any more of this. "I get it. What happens on water stays on water."

" _Lucy_." The concern in her voice made it clear that Lucy was not hiding her feelings very well. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You're not. I get it. I really really do. I mean, I was-- actually thinking the same thing. I just got out of something long term. I was only looking for casual. We should keep this casual, and then it will be fine. I mean, it's not like you aren't a huge package of all my dealbreakers put together."

Alura went still, and Lucy shut her eyes, regretting her stupid defensive mouth. She hadn't even thought about whether she wanted this to be more than casual, but having Alura tell her that that was all she wanted, it made her feel sick and angry and worthless. Her feelings didn't make sense, but she shouldn't lash out because of them. "Shit. I didn't mean--"

"I told Kara over and over again 'no lawyers'."

Lucy rubbed her forehead and found it in herself to laugh weakly. "And I told Lois 'no kids'."

"I think Kara would like you. And it would be good for her to have more models of adults who have figured out how to make decisions and pursue--" Alura cut herself off and sighed. "Casual. You're under no obligation to meet my kid."

"It would be a lot less terrifying if it's not as your girlfriend."

Alura made a face. "I may have told her about you."

"You talk to your daughter about your vacation flings?"

Alura wrinkled her nose. "You make it sound like this is a common happening. But I talk to my daughter about everything." She hesitated. "Particularly when she calls asking if I'd take her dad back."

"You . . . wouldn't, would you?"

"No," Alura was staring out to sea. "There's nothing there for me. But if I could take back the feeling of mattering to someone, of being enough, I would take it back in an instant."

It felt like there was a hot coal in the center of Lucy's chest. This wasn't fair. Alura was the one who said she wanted it to be casual. She wanted to matter someone, but not to _Lucy_.

Lucy was angry about it. She wanted to matter. But she could tell she was thinking crazy things. She couldn't be that person. It was better that it was casual, an affair for the time on the cruise and nothing more. There were no promises and there would be no heartbreak. She wouldn't have one more lead shirt of guilt weighing her down.

That didn't make any of this hurt less.

"Hey," Lucy swung over her, her knee landing on the other side of Aluras lap, straddling Alura's hips. It made the short skirt of her dress ride up, but right now that was a feature, not a bug. "Look at me."

Alura flinched, and lifted her head only a fraction at the touch of Lucy's hand under her chin. Even in the darkness, she was so inexcusably pretty.

"Don't think about that asshole. Think about me."

"I didn't want to hurt you," she said softly. "I do like you so much."

"I'm tough. But if you want to make it up to me anyway, maybe you could show me how much you like me." _Even if it's not enough to risk 'more than_ _casual_.'

Alura smiled, cupping her face and dragging her thumbs across her cheekbones. "I like you. You're so grown up sometimes it makes me feel like a child."

"I just fuck up my relationships a lot quicker than after twenty years. I get more practice."

Alura frowned at her. "Don't say bad things about yourself. I don't want to hear them."

"Then shut me up."

Alura narrowed her eyes, and then she kissed her.

Lucy kissed back, hard, claiming. It was a futile endeavor to try to claim her this way, when she'd already said she was her own. But Lucy would try anyway. Even if she didn't deserve it, even if she'd run if it was actually an option, right now she'd kiss her hard enough to forget that this was casual, that this was nothing. Because how could it be nothing when there wasn't anything else?

#


	3. HEAs are an exercise in lies by omission. Every love story ends in tragedy--or worse, just ends--but who wants to watch that part? Not me, FFS. HEA all the way.

8

Alura felt the need in the press of Lucy's mouth, the demand in it, though it was still too soft to count as rough. Alura threaded her fingers through Lucy's hair, cupping the back of her head, and kissed her back. She hadn't wanted to hurt her, hadn't wanted to do anything but live in this haze of unreality that came with being on board ship, but that wasn't practical. Still, she was sorry, and if she could apologize with only her fingers and her lips she would do her best.

She pressed her mouth to Lucy's neck and slid her hands up her bare thighs, under the short skirt of her dress. Lucy gasped into her ear, and clung to the collar of her jacket. Alura hadn't touched her there before, but elsewhere she'd liked long slow strokes, wearing away the harsh first-touch reaction to a deeper sensitivity. Alura kept her hands to the outside of Lucy's legs, rubbing warmth into her exposed skin. Each time she shifted just slightly, until her thumbs were caressing the insides of Lucy's thighs. Lucy clawed at her jacket and tried to roll her hips into Alura. Alura's grip tightened and she held Lucy in place. Lucy let out a choked sob and pressed her face into Alura's neck.

Alura could hear the noise from the populated part of the deck, voices and music and clanking glassware, but it felt very distant, a muted backdrop to the penetrant track of Lucy's breath. She'd hurt her. She had to take care of her as best she could.

Alura slid her hands up under Lucy's dress and closed them around her waist. She felt Lucy shudder under her touch, but tautness rippled through her abs as she restrained herself from rocking forward. "That's right," Alura whispered into her ear. "Let me touch you."

"Fuck," Lucy hissed. "You're killing me."

"You're not ready yet."

A rough chuckle against her skin. "How can you _know_ that? How can you know that _already_?"

Alura reached up and drew two fingers down her spine. Lucy tensed and her fingers tightened on the collar of her jacket. That afternoon she'd been so relaxed and responsive. If she could get her to that state again, everything would be easy. "Because you're still tense here. Because I want you to melt against me before I touch you."

The only sound that came out of Lucy was a rough sob. Alura stroked her hair. "There we go." She rubbed fingers across her mouth, right up along her hairline under her ears, keeping her other hand flat against Lucy's stomach, stopping her from rolling forward against her. She circled through the knots on either side of Lucy's spine, feeling the weight shifting as Lucy leaned on her more and more. "That's right. That's good, darling."

Lucy whimpered and her hips flexed against Alura's warning hand. " _Please_."

Alura hummed into her throat and let both her hands slide back under Lucy's skirt to cup her ass. Lucy sighed, sinking down over her legs, her skirt rucked up around her waist now. Alura spread her knees and let her thumbs rub into Lucy's belly right above the planes of her thighs. Lucy, heavy as a dead weight on her, gave a tight little sigh and fell into her. Alura considered. She hadn't quite thought this through. She looped an arm around Lucy's waist and hiked her up so she was half over her shoulder. Lucy was as limp and as manhandleable as a flour sack, and Alura, keeping her stable with one arm, tugged down her underwear and found the velvety liquid warmth between Lucy's legs with her fingers. Her breath caught as she felt just how wet she was. A slight flush of pleasure, of self-confidence suffused her. She slid into her from behind, and Lucy curled more against her.

"Mmm."

Easy, slow, Alura fucked her, rubbing Lucy's back with her balancing arm, keeping her relaxed. Soon, she could feel the flutter of the muscles inside. Still steady, she let it build, let it become tight and raw and heard Lucy start to gasp, felt the nails gripping into her jacket, felt herself begin to throb as deeply, as much. And then, with a raw sound tearing through Lucy's throat, mouth buried in Alura's collar, she felt Lucy clench hard on her fingers and come, and Alura clutched her close as she could, and felt herself peak in response.

Lucy's scent was all around her, her breath, the heaving in her chest, the pulsing heat compressing her fingers. Alura breathed it in, languished in it. It had been so long since she had been surrounded by someone like this, had held someone like this. And it was Lucy, quietly hurt and still caring, still charmingly confident and letting herself be vulnerable.

If it was just for herself, Alura would have done whatever it took to keep her. But she hadn't lived just for herself for a long time. She couldn't keep Lucy, and it was better to hurt her a little now than make her miserable later.

Right now, though--her heaving pants in her ear, her slickness coating her fingers--right now she would have as much of her as she could.

#

"'Lura," Lucy mumbled, when she was almost back to herself--though she wasn't sure she'd ever get back to herself again really. "This is the worst encouragement to keep it casual I've ever had."

"Oh?" She sounded slightly concerned. Voices of sightly drunken revelers broke the night air and seemed to be approaching this small hidden space by the empty shuffleboard courts.

"Can I come back to your bunk and return the favor?"

"I already-- um, I mean I don't really need--"

Lucy blinked. Fuck. She wasn't making this any easier.

Alura stroked her hair, and then kissed the side of her face gently. "It's your dad's birthday tomorrow. Perhaps you should spend the day with him."

Lucy breathed out, the air seeming to come through a too tight valve in her chest. Don't see me, that meant. Take a break from this.

She knew it was a good idea, the right idea. But she didn't want it. She didn't want Alura putting distance between them, even if she had to, even if it was the only healthy thing for either of them. _Maybe, maybe if you don't let her go, if you hold onto her for every second of every day, she'll change her mind._ No. She didn't even want her to change her mind. This was the best choice for both of them.

"Okay," she said. "Can I stay here a little longer though? I don't think I can walk yet."

Alura tugged down her skirt and then shifted her so she was more comfortably in her arms. "As long as you like."

#

Lucy staggered in to the bunk she shared with Lois and flopped face first onto the bed.

"Hel- _lo_ , I didn't expect to see you tonight."

"Don't talk to me," Lucy mumbled into her pillow.

Lois raised an eyebrow. "I can't tell whether you're pissed off or you've just had the best fucking of your life."

"Ugh. I said don't talk to me." Lucy lay on her face for a few minutes. "Both."

" _Do tell._ "

"She said she wanted to keep it casual," Lucy said, her voice embarrassingly soft. "And then she made me come really hard."

"I was thinking it was the opposite order." Lois raised an eyebrow. "So apology orgasms didn't work?"

"No," Lucy whined. "I was fine with it being casual. I hadn't even thought it was anything else."

Lois _humph_ ed her disbelief. They had been so grossly coupley all through their visit to Catalina Island, even if neither of them had noticed.

"Now I want her to fuck me like that all the time."

"I honestly didn't think that she'd be that good in bed. What did she do?"

"I don't _know_. She just . . . figured me out, like I was a problem and she needed to solve me. I think she was studying me when we were making out this afternoon, and then bang, she was like, I'm going to turn you into a pile of warm goo and get you off as if it's easy."

"You've never been easy." Lois made a face. " _Well_."

"Shut up."

Lucy put her face in the pillow and breathed out. "She wants to stay friends."

"Sex friends?"

"No."

"Aww, baby."

Lucy rolled over. "Maybe I could ask if we could be sex friends?" She sighed. "I didn't want to be her girlfriend. I just liked her. And then she asked if she could kiss me." She stared up at the ceiling. "I didn't _want_ this. But I didn't want her to tell me that I couldn't be her girlfriend either." She pressed the pillow over her face. "This sucks. Feelings suck. Everything is awful."

"You'll live," Lois said, and went back to her book.

#

 

9

Spending the day with Dad was always a minefield, but Lucy wasn't even reacting to the tripwires he set. She wasn't being helpful either, moping around as Lois wheedled Dad out of the casino and down the gangplank into Mexico.

In retrospect, Lois wondered why she had thought it was a good idea to bring her dad to Mexico. There was only so many times she could watch him look around frowning, clearly thinking 'there are too many Mexicans here.'

When they were planning the day, Lucy half-heartedly pushed for the horseback riding, and Lois pushed for the wine tasting, but it wasn't fun to fight with Lucy when she was looking this miserable. So when Dad suggested ATVs through wine country, which was more interest than he'd shown in anything besides the slot machines the entire time, Lois agreed easily and so did Lucy.

Lucy perked up a bit out in the sun on a horrible and loud machine, and Lois hoped that she'd gotten the moping out of her system. But after a lunch where Dad had too much beer because 'you can't trust the water in places like this,' and an unexpected Mariachi band performance with Dad just drunk enough to have some fun, they'd ended up back on board in time for a few cocktails before dinner. And then Dad asked the question:

"Is your friend joining us again?"

Lucy went stiff. "I-- no. I mean, this is your birthday."

"You should ask her. I liked her." He made a face. "I mean, after you get past the glare that could chop your balls off, she's a beautiful woman."

Lucy looked like she was going to die.

"Yeah," Lois said, snorting. "Lucy was just saying the same thing."

"Older than I usually look at--"

"She's three years older than Lois," Lucy squeaked.

" _Four_ ," Lois protested. "I don't turn forty until _next_ month."

Lucy glared at her and rolled her eyes. "If you had a choice you'd have a second thirty-ninth."

"Nothing wrong with that."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Dad asked. "Well-kept older men are sought after. I often match with women in their twenties."

Lois paused. "What? _Match_?"

Dad pulled out his phone, and fumbled with it. It was _not_ the phone she'd seen him with last. "Yes, my friend Captain Pauls set me up with this interesting new computer program, only for your phone."

Lois hid her face, and then peeked. Oh no. Her dad was on Tinder.

"I'm just--" Lucy swallowed hard. "I'm going to go get drinks, okay? Lots of drinks."

Lois didn't blame her.

#

Alura had done her best to focus on being a tourist that day, shopping, taking photographs, being present. It didn't keep her from wondering what Lucy was doing, whether she'd fought with her dad yet, what activities they had planned.

She texted Kara and Astra all day about inconsequential things. She spent a good hour answering emails in the café. And when nothing else appealed, she went to bed early. But she didn't sleep, so when there was a soft knock at her cabin door, she climbed out of her bunk and went to open it.

Lucy was there, all dressed up as if she'd been out clubbing. Her eyes flickered over Alura, and Alura was suddenly hesitant about her loose hair and comfortable pajama pants and tank top.

"Hi," Lucy said, low and rumbly. She sounded just a little drunk.

"Hello yourself."

"I missed you."

Alura released the tension she was holding and let herself smile. "Did you?"

Lucy nodded, looking hurt. "You didn't text me all day."

"I don't actually have your phone number."

The astonishment on Lucy's face was bright. "You don't? You need my phone number. Because if you don't text me and I can't text you, I think I will die."

Alura laughed and tugged her into the cabin, finding her phone and handing it to Lucy. "Give it to me then."

With a furrowed brow, Lucy input in her contact information. Then she texted herself. "There. I have you now." She nodded, then lifted her head and smiled. "I have you."

Drunk Lucy was so earnest and open with her feelings. It was sweet. Alura rubbed Lucy's back between her shoulders. "Why don't you go wash your face and then tell me about your day?"

Lucy sighed, wobbling back toward the door. "It was kind of terrible, but not as bad as it could have been." She kicked off her shoes and found her way into the bathroom. Alura heard water running and considered pajama options if Lucy was indeed going to stay the night. "He thinks you're attractive."

Alura huffed. "The favor is not returned."

"Good."

Lucy emerged, her face clean of make-up, her hair damp and falling around her face. Alura handed her a t-shirt and Lucy took it unquestioningly. "His daughter though," Alura continued, finding the words coming easily, especially with this Lucy, drunk and open, and unable to grasp just how hard they would otherwise be to say. "I think she's gorgeous."

Lucy smiled up at her, eyes squinted like she was smiling at the sun. Then she carelessly stripped out of her dress and bra and pulled on the oversized t-shirt. It was one of the few that was actually long enough on Alura to sleep in and it fell all the way to Lucy's knees, dwarfing her. She looked adorable, mussed and confused in Alura's clothes, and Alura wanted to gather her up and pet her. Lucy frowned, then blinked down at herself and up at Alura. "Hm," she said. "I think I'm going to casually sleep in your bunk tonight."

"Yes," Alura said, "I think you are."

"'s fine though. It's just _casually_ sleeping in your bunk." She moved over and crawled up into it. Then she squished as far towards the wall as she could and patted the space next to her. "Bed time," she said.

Alura slid in beside her. It was not the widest of bunks, and after shuffling a bit, Lucy ended up in her arms, Alura pressed up against her back. Alura breathed in the scent of her hair and did not ask herself about how casual 'just sleeping' with someone could ever be. Tomorrow was the last day. Lucy was here now, and that was all she wanted.

#

 

10

The warmth surrounding her, the way it smelled, the weight--Lucy drifted awake, her head beginning to pound with hangover, her senses foggy enough that she just wanted to go back to sleep. This was a nice place to sleep. Breath on her face, the pulse of a heartbeat against hers--Alura.

A tangled knot furled in the pit of her stomach. Her face felt weirdly numb. Alura. Her bunk. Her arms. Fuck. What had she been thinking? She'd been drunk and needy and so she'd gone to Alura, let herself be looked after and put to bed, and now she'd spent the night.

It felt so good, to be held like this, Alura's weight on her, her hair brushing against the skin of Lucy's neck. And this was exactly what Alura had told her couldn't happen.

Casual. She'd said sure, fine, casual, and she kept doing this, getting close, having _feelings_ when Alura touched her or took care of her. Resentment boiled in her gut. She wanted it to be Alura's fault, for not sticking to her guns, not throwing her out when she showed up drunk and amorous. But she's said what she wanted and Lucy just kept ignoring it.

None of it would hurt so much if she hadn't imprinted on those moments of sensitivity and affection so hard. But it was nice, to feel cared about, to be seen. She knew her family cared about her, but it was always a struggle to see it under the fighting and the rudeness and the sarcasm. Even though Alura _said_ this was temporary, that this was casual, she still made Lucy feel seen and cared about.

It made every reminder of the fact that it was going to be over soon feel unbelievable, a surprise splash of cold water in the face.

But it was the last day. Lucy's head pounded. _Don't think about it_ , she told herself. She shifted over and snuggled up against Alura's sleeping form, grasping the front of her shirt in her fingers. She'd make it a good day, even if it hurt. There was no point in anything else.

#

"So, you're back."

Alura looked up from her breakfast to find Lois glowering at her. "I . . . didn't go anywhere?"

"But you didn't talk to my sister all yesterday."

"It was your father's birthday. It wasn't my place."

Lois flopped into the seat across from Alura, eyes narrowed. "She was miserable. Lucy doesn't show it much, but I'm her sister. I can read her. First you tell her you want casual, you want to pretend this never happened when you get back to shore, but you fuck her anyway. Then you leave her alone all day, and when she shows up at your cabin drunk, you take advantage of that. You keep making her think she has a chance with you, and then you tell her she doesn't. I don't _like_ people fucking around with my sister."

Alura set her jaw and met Lois's gaze. "I didn't want to hurt your sister. That was not my intent. I was trying to be upfront and honest about what I expected from this. This is the last day, and whatever happens next it will not be the same as it was on this cruise."

"So, what is going to happen? You're going to forget you ever knew her?"

"Of course not. But I don't see how a three day vacation romance is supposed to translate into the outside world."

"Are you ashamed? She said you'd been married for twenty years. Who knows you're bisexual? Not your colleagues or your family, I presume. Judges are all about propriety and the semblance of untarnishable morality. You don't want to rock the boat."

Alura felt her face getting hot. Yes, she'd thought of all of those things, but someone else saying them about her, about Lucy, it was rude and cruel and unnecessary. "This isn't about what I can handle," Alura said, the words cracking with more force than she'd intended. "I would never be ashamed of Lucy. I admit I have thought about how people would react, what they would say, but my family knows, and my colleagues have dealt with odder things. Having her on my arm and in my life would be no pain or trouble for me."

Lois narrowed her eyes. "So you just don't care enough about her to try to keep it up?"

"I--" Alura couldn't say that. "It's been three days."

Lois's expression didn't change.

"I am six months out of a divorce." Alura put her head in her hand. "I'm not ready to go through this all again."

"Oh," Lois said, twisting her mouth to the side. "You're scared. It happens. But guess what, I don't care. There's no excuse for hurting Lucy just because you're scared. _No excuse at all_."

#

Lucy was a little more subdued than she'd been before, but she didn't pull away from Alura, instead joining her in a padded deck-couch and softening into her side. She encouraged Alura into the pool finally, up on the quieter adults-only deck.

When she rose up from the water, hair streaked across her cheek, droplets glistening on her face, Alura found it hard to look away. She could imagine those lawyer parties, the men, married and unmarried, their heads turning to follow her. She'd have no shortage of offers, that was certain. Whether any of them would be good enough for her, well, that was a clear no.

Alura hoisted herself up onto the edge of the pool and beckoned to Lucy. Lucy splashed up, sidling between her legs, and tugging at the stretchy material of her suit. "You're all wet," she said.

"So are you."

The grin, wide and easy and all for her, was enough for Alura to not care in the least that they were in public. She bent her head and kissed her.

"What is this?"

Lucy went tense in her arms. She broke the kiss, and they looked up. General Lane stood above them on the deck.

"What the hell is this?"

"Dad--"

His face under his baseball cap was going bright red. "You brought her over for-- for--"

"For _me,_ Dad," Lucy snapped. "She likes _me_."

"I do," Alura confirmed. She put her hand between Lucy's shoulder blades. "I like Lucy very much." Lucy flinched, and Alura drew her hand away. Her stomach hurt. Had she really made her think she didn't?

"You haven't grown out of that yet? And _you_ \--" He gestured at Alura. "--you're a grown woman."

"I fail to see the relevance?"

"Dad," Lucy hissed. "Bisexuality isn't just 'fun for college students'."

"This is just another example of you being childish, making all your choices with no view of the future."

Lucy's shoulders grew tight and raised. But she said nothing. Alura wanted to cut in, to cut him off, but he'd picked exactly the one thing she had no defense for--not unless she was willing to go back on the one boundary she'd tried to set.

"You're going to be thirty-five! When I was thirty five I was a Colonel! I had two daughters and had been married for a decade! You, you're resigning your commission, starting a new career, you're still not engaged, even though your _photographer_ asked me for your hand, and now you're taking up with a woman? It's as if you want everything about your life to be a waste!"

Lucy pulled away from Alura, backing away from her dad, shaking her head. Her face was still wet, but the glistening in her eyes were tears. "Dammit, Dad. I just want-- I want to be able to go after what I want without everyone telling me I shouldn't. I want to not have to be sensible about everything. I want to have something that feels like it means something, that feels worth it. And I've had enough-- I've had enough of having everything I do, everything I want, everything I _am_ _,_ questioned and degraded and disrespected by both of you!"

She snapped her mouth shut, realizing what she'd said. She grabbed the ladder and clambered out of the pool. Shaking her hair out and spraying water everywhere, she pulled a towel from the stack and stormed off.

Alura and Sam were left staring at each other. Sam frowned at her. "What'd _you_ do?"

Alura sighed. "I tried to be reasonable." She stood up on the deck and went to find a towel.

Sam huffed. "I know what that's like."

Alura glared at him. "No. You don't."

#

Why was she like this? Why was everything _like_ this? Lois told her she was a genius at sucking things up and not reacting when Dad made stupid comments. But waking up with Alura, seeing the way Alura kept smiling when she looked at her, quirking her lips as if the sight of Lucy surprised and pleased her, everything she knew consciously felt like a big joke.

Alura was not the type to put up with anything. She had to like Lucy, to want _something_ , from her. But if it wasn't sex right now and it wasn't the possibility of something in the future, what was it?

If it was the possibility of something in the future--if she was changing her mind--that was scary in a completely different way. Lucy didn't like to be told one thing and shown another. But even though she hated the thought of Alura not wanting her, the thought of her wanting her was frightening too.

And then Dad had caught them. She felt like a fucking teenager.

Alura had touched her back, offered comfort and support, the kind that came with public promises and announcements of affection, and that was _wrong_. She wasn't supposed to do that! And then Dad kept telling her that this was nothing, that it could be nothing. She _knew_ that. Alura had already told her the same thing. But she didn't want to hear it. She hated hearing it.

And Alura seemed to be readying herself to cut into him again. And if anything, _anything_ , came out of her mouth with even the hint of the word 'serious' or 'future' involved, Lucy knew she would not be able to handle that.

So she'd cut it off before anyone had a chance to say something they didn't mean.

#

Alura couldn't find Lucy. It was a 260 meter ship. It shouldn't be that hard to find someone. But the two-thousand odd passengers made it like searching for a needle in a haystack. She couldn't _find_ her--not that she knew what she'd say if she did. But she could not let her be that upset and by herself.

She took out her phone to try texting, and as she did, it buzzed. A facetime call from Zor.

She didn't have time for this.

"Zor--"

"What the hell have you been telling Kara?" he snapped before she could explain she couldn't talk.

"What?"

Zor's scowling chiseled face filled the screen, leaning too close to the phone for her to see his neck.

"What is this? Some kind of late blooming vendetta? Turning my daughter against me?"

" _Zor_." Alura grit her teeth. Another thing to deal with right at the worst moment. "What did Kara say?"

"She said she didn't want to see me this weekend. She said she was too upset about what I did to you."

Alura sighed.

"What did you tell her? I thought she'd come to terms with it all."

"I'm sorry."

"So you did say something?"

"Not on purpose." Alura threaded her hand through her wet hair, clumped strands falling down around her face. "She asked me if I'd ever take you back."

Zor's face looked pinched and uncomfortable. "Oh."

Alura leaned back against the wall. The urgency was replaced by exhaustion. She didn't have the reserves to deal with all these problems at once. She rubbed at the throb in her temple. "I told her no clearly enough. I think she's trying to adjust to the idea that there isn't any way back. Give her a week. She loves you. She'll come around."

Zor sighed. "I can't believe she's still thinking about that. It's been over a year now."

"She was away at college for most of it." Alura tipped her head back, so the wall could support it. It was strange how Zor's voice made her feel more calm right now, when for the past fourteen months it had only inspired a flush of agitation and anxiety. But she supposed he didn't matter at the moment. He was where he was supposed to be, settled and stable in his new relationship, not a loose cannon, about to make her life suddenly busier and more expensive. "It came up. She's been-- pressuring me to date. And I think it only became clear what that means recently."

Zor stiffened, his mouth going all funny. " _Are_ you dating?" He shook himself. "I mean, that's good, Alura. You deserve to be happy."

Alura grimaced. "That's debatable. And I'm not dating . . . exactly." She shut her eyes. "Maybe I am. But maybe tomorrow I won't be. It's been a strange few days."

Zor made a hum of acknowledgment. "I told Kara that the cruise sounded appalling. Especially for someone like you."

Alura snorted.

"But if it hasn't been all bad . . ."

"How did you do it?" Alura asked, the words stumbling from her mouth as if she had to say them all quickly or she would second guess herself and say nothing at all. "How did you choose to risk it all, with your new girl?"

"How did I choose to leave you?" Zor asked, sounding confused.

"No." Alura rubbed her forehead and breathed out. "That couldn't have been such a hard decision. But . . . the starting again part. How did you let yourself fall in love again?"

"Let myself? It just-- sort of happens. You see someone a few times. You get on. You get close. And then you realize you're happy. And it's a good feeling."

"But how do you know it's not going to end like we did? In bitterness and indifference."

Alura had her eyes shut, and when there was only silence from her phone, she peeked at it. The sympathy on Zor's face felt both strange and familiar, like something she had seen every day when Kara was a child and hardly ever since. In this case, sympathy felt too much like pity and she shut her eyes again.

"'Lura," Zor said, his voice soft, understanding. "I don't regret having been with you. I could never regret that. And yes, it took its time ending. But that doesn't erase the good years. So I'm not afraid that this is going to end. It might. But I'm happy now. And no matter how badly it ends, I'll always have been happy at this moment."

Alura felt herself shaking at his words. Her hands trembled, her heart pounded. She didn't want to hear this. It all felt too loud. "But how do you know, that one day she won't just wake up and not want to be with you anymore."

Zor went still. "'Lura. I still love you. You know that, don't you?"

Alura couldn't speak. She shook her head.

"We were together twenty years. There's no way you will ever not be part of my life. New girl--as you so charmingly call her--I don't know. I hope not. But so far so good. You always used to call that inductive reasoning, right? If the sun has come up for five days, chances are it will come up tomorrow too. If there's an eclipse once, it doesn't mean the sun isn't coming back."

"I don't-- I don't want to risk it again." She swallowed, clenching her jaw together to try and clamp down on her emotions. It was always a bad sign when Zor started using her own logic against her.

"I'm not going to tell you to." Zor smiled. "I might text Kara to tell you to though. She's better at convincing you of things anyway."

#

Kara called, Zor making good on his threat, and Alura curled up on her bunk and let Kara wheedle her out of the fear and immobility that Zor had so kindly pointed out.

"You have her number, right?" Kara's said. "Just tell her you want to text her once you're back onshore."

"What does that _mean_?"

"It means you want to see how it goes, Mom. Sometimes . . . you can only just wait and see how it goes. I mean, if it's someone you really like, someone who's already important to you, you don't want to rush. You just want to let it happen. Even if things hurt along the way."

Alura sighed out a breath. "You sound so grown up."

Kara didn't respond for a moment. "I'm not," she said. "I just tell you what I know I should do even though I never manage it."

"Do you need to talk about that?"

" _Mom_ ," Kara whined. "Don't deflect. I get to help with _your_ problems this time. Go make up with that girl you like. And I'll see you tomorrow." A smile filled her voice. "I'll see you _tomorrow_."

"I love you too, baby girl."

#

"IT'S TIME TO PARTY!"

The deck speakers blared to life with loud house music. Hidden lights began to sparkle and pulse with vibrant colors. Passengers poured onto the deck dressed in their finest and ready for revelry. Lucy wanted to cut someone.

Lois had made her get dressed. But the whole atmosphere of the party felt like a gong against a still lake. Lucy didn't even feel like drinking. Drunk Lucy was even more messed up over Alura than sober Lucy was and she didn't need to feel that way right now. She just didn't want any part of this. She made her way down the steps instead until the loud pulsing music from the top decks was muted into silence. Fourteen floors down, she found the Tendor Lobby door, locked, and sank down onto the floor in front of it.

"I wondered if you'd be here."

Lucy slumped further. There was no place to hide on this goddamned boat.

"When I actually thought about it, I mean, rather than just running around looking for you."

Lucy peeked up through her fingers. Alura had showered, her hair was loosely pinned in the back, and she was dressed in slacks and Lucy's favorite of her soft hooded sweatshirts. The contemplation in her voice, always considering her own thought process, it was just _familiar_ in a way that knowing someone for three days shouldn't be.

"Sorry for freaking out," Lucy muttered.

"Don't be." Alura slid down the door, settling in next to her, just close enough that if Lucy wanted to, they could touch.

"And I'm sorry my dad's an asshole. He doesn't mean it. He just . . . he was pissed because he liked you."

Alura huffed. "It doesn't matter whether or not he meant it. You shouldn't have to hear things like that from him. You shouldn't always have to bear the brunt of it just because you love him."

"Yeah, well, I thought moving to California would put a little barrier between us But maybe it would be easier to just do what he wants and get a new commission. It's always easier to do what he wants." And that way she wouldn't have to see Alura all the time. She wouldn't have to deal with the stupid way she felt.

"Don't you _dare._ " Alura swatted her leg, and Lucy glanced up, startled. Alura was glaring at her. "You've been doing so well with taking control over your own life. If you stop now, even if it has nothing to do with me, I will be very upset."

Lucy stared at her, hurting. "It doesn't have anything to do with you."

"I didn't make it any easier."

Lucy couldn't find a response to that.

"Lucy." Alura's hand closed around hers. "I want to apologize. I was scared of the prospect of getting into a new relationship, and I made you think I didn't care about you."

Lucy stared at the hand holding hers, a coldness creeping through her chest.

"But I do. I-- like you very much. And if you were interested at all--"

"No!" Lucy jerked her hand away. She scooted across the carpet, needing to put some distance between herself and Alura. " _No_."

A tenseness in Alura's cheek was all that showed how the rejection made her feel. But it was enough. Fuck. Lucy shook her head again, her eyes stinging. "You can't want me after this. I know I was acting like a whiny child, and yes, it hurt to think you didn't care. But I didn't want you to want me seriously either. I can't want that."

Alura stared at her, steady gaze unreadable. "I do want you seriously though. Do you not want me to feel that way? Do you simply not want me in return? Please explain yourself more clearly. What do you mean, 'you can't want that'?"

The words tore through her. She couldn't have stopped them if she tried. "I fell out of love with James."

Alura said nothing, waiting for her to convict herself.

Lucy rubbed her eyes, tears smearing across her face. "I just-- slowly, bit by bit, I didn't feel the same about him anymore. There was nothing he did, no reason. He's still just as good of a guy as he always was. It was me. And If I'm the sort of person who can just let go of love like that, I shouldn't be with anyone. I don't want to promise you feelings and then find them slipping away. You've already had someone betray you like that. I don't want to do it too. You don't deserve that."

Alura ducked her head, swallowing, her shoulders hunched defensively. Lucy wanted to hold her, and hated herself for it.

"I don't think you're the type of person who just lets go of someone."

"How would you know?"

"Because you still love your dad, even when he does everything he can to drive you away."

"He's my _dad_."

"And the way you love him shows me that you're a loyal person. The way you're upset with yourself for hurting your boyfriend shows me that you're a loyal person. Sometimes feelings change. That doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you."

Lucy lifted her head, just enough to see Alura's steady gaze, still regarding her.

"I'm not asking you for a declarations of feeling or intent right now. I just," she puffed out air between her lips. "Is it all right if I text you once the cruise is over?"

"You just want to text me?" Lucy mumbled. Alura's evidence didn't make her any less afraid, but she wanted this. She wanted it enough to try.

"I want to text you."

"Okay," Lucy said softly. "That's okay."

Slowly, she shuffled back over until she was sitting beside Alura again.

"Good," Alura said and gently put her arm around Lucy's shoulders. Lucy leaned against her, and they sat there together in the quiet underbelly of the ship as the party thundered on overhead.

#

 

11

The ship docked back in National City at seven in the morning. Most people took their time dragging themselves out of bed, packing and leaving. Kara and Astra were coming to get her around nine, so Alura slept in until seven thirty and took the rest of the time to finish repacking her things.

There was already a text on her phone.

_Lucy: Lois driving me nuts. Woke me up at six, can't find anything and thinks I know where it is. Should have just stayed over with you. XP xxxx_

It made her smile.

_Alura: What time's your flight out?_

_Lucy: 1:30, but dad's flipping out about NC traffic already._

_Alura: You're coming back July 18th?_

_Lucy: Yep._

_Alura: Do you have a place to stay?_

_Lucy: Am I hearing an offer?_

_Lucy: Oh shit, gotta go. Fight breaking out. But if it was an offer, _yes__

The debarkation bay was chaos, with families trying to rein in straying children, disembarking passengers like rats beelining for various conveyances, and clumps of roaming welcomers home.

"Mom! Mom!"

Alura turned, and there was Kara, loping ahead, so beautiful and grown up. And then her arms were around her neck and Alura had dropped her suitcase and was holding her daughter. Only six days and she had missed her so much.

"Those two are disgustingly adorable," a voice said from behind Kara.

"Absolutely disgusting," another agreed.

"Shut up you guys," Kara grumbled. "I missed my mom. She went off to do grown up things without me."

"At your request, may I remind you."

Kara made a face. "I was wrong, please don't."

Alura released Kara for the moment to turn and hug Alex and Astra. "Look at you," Astra rubbed her nose. "I don't know how, with all the girl-trouble you've been having, but you've managed to get a little sun."

"Was it terrible?" Alex asked.

Alura sighed. "Cruises, terrible. The experience as a whole though." She bit down on her lip to try and stop the smile. "I can't say I regret it."

Her phone buzzed. Automatically, she checked it, and would not have realized that she flushed if Astra's reaction hadn't been instant and dramatic. "Oh! Look at that! You're all red."

"It's the girl," said Alex.

Astra nodded. "Got to be the girl."

It was.

_Lucy: I see you._

She turned. Halfway across the bay, Lucy stood, framed by a heap of luggage and her bickering father and sister, dressed comfortably for flying in dance-sweats and a tank-top and an engulfing hooded sunwrap, watching. When she saw Alura spot her, she waved shyly.

"You said she was cute but you didn't say she was _tiny_ ," Kara exclaimed.

"Hey!" Alex protested. "She's not that short. Just because all of you are amazons--"

"Come on," Astra said, grasping Alura's arm and towing her across the bay. "You're introducing us."

At their approach, Lucy's eyes went wide.

"Jesus christ, Lucy." Lois's voice cut through the din of the crowd. "You told me she had a sister, you didn't tell me she had a _twin_."

Kara chased after them. Alex, the only level-headed one as usual, remembered Alura's bags.

When General Lane spotted them he went all stiff and furious. Lucy looked hot with embarrassment. She kept glancing at Kara with abject terror in her face. Alura admired that. Astra was much more frightening, but Kara was definitely the one to watch out for.

"Um, hi," Alura said.

And at that, the fear and embarrassment in Lucy's expression was instantly replaced by warmth. "Hi yourself."

"It seems my family wanted to meet you." Alura waved an introductory hand. "Astra, Kara, and Alex, who's currently my favorite."

Alex grinned.

Lucy raised a hand in greeting. "Pleased to meet you." Before she could even put the hand down Kara had grasped it from the air to shake.

"I think I need to ask you what your intentions are with my mom."

Lucy cringed.

" _Kara_ ," Alura scolded.

"It's all right if you say texting."

"Um, texting?" Lucy offered.

Kara grinned widely, dropped her hand and turned to Lois. "Hi!"

Alura covered her face.

"You are cute," Astra commented. Alura could hear the grin in her voice. "Ah, even more when you blush like that."

Alura peeked.

"Lucy," General Lane snapped. "It's time to go."

"Dad," Lois protested, her arm already around Kara's shoulders. "We have four hours."

Astra narrowed her eyes at him. "And who are you?"

"I don't take disrespect," he snapped back. "I'm a General in the US Army."

"Ah, an army flatfoot," Astra said.

Lois stuck grinned. "Didn't Alura say something about you being Air Force?"

General Lane scoffed. "Of course, an air force hotshot."

Alura sighed, and Lucy shook her head. She reached out. They tangled their fingers together.

"I'm sorry about my family," Alura murmured.

"You had to put up with mine for six days. I already like yours better."

Alex stepped back, and set up a photo of the whole tableau on her phone. "For posterity," she mouthed at Alura.

"I know!" Kara exclaimed. "We should all go out for brunch!"

The recorded sound of the shutter caught them all mid reaction.

#

_Lucy: I miss your face and your pretty eyes_

_Alura: Did Lois get you drunk again?_

_Lucy: :(_

_Alura: I miss you too_

_Lucy: :)_

_Alura: I miss the way you smell. And the way your wet hair sticks to your face right after you shower._

_Lucy: I miss you in my shower_

_Alura: Do you mean while you're in the shower or having me in the shower with you? because that's never happened._

_Lucy: Gah. I was trying to sext you, but now you've rubbed it in my face that I am a very sad person who thinks about you while showering and cries about being alone_

_Alura: Please don't sext. Kara always steals my phone._

_Lucy: I am a classy sexter! No trauma at all_

_Alura: :) well then, I suppose you can go ahead._

_Lucy: :P_

_#_

_Lucy: It's still okay if I stay with you while taking the bar, right?_

_Alura: Of course. I would be offended if you didn't._

_Lucy: :D_

_Lucy: My dad sent me this. Might be a positive sign?_

… _was spotted on a billboard ad for the law office of Larry L. Archie: “Just because you did it doesn’t mean you’re guilty.”_

_Alura: :D_

_Alura: This one's my favorite:_

_****"Judge** ** _ _: Where do you work?_

_****Defendant** ** _ _: Here and there._

_****Judge** ** _ _: What do you do for a living?_

_****Defendant** ** _ _: This and that._

_****Judge** ** _ _: Take him away._

_****Defendant** ** _ _: Wait; when will I get out?_

**_**Judge** _ ** _: Sooner or later."_

_Lucy: lol_

_Lucy: Of course it is, the judge gets the last word. :P_

_Alura: How do you know me so well?_

_#_

_Lucy: Why is your daughter texting me about picking a major? Also kittens. Lots of pictures of kittens._

_Alura: Oh no, is she? I'm sorry, I'll tell her to stop._

_Lucy: I don't mind_

_Lucy: I like the kittens_

_Lucy: I also like your daughter_

_Lucy: But she really shouldn't do pre-law._

_Alura: THANK YOU_

_Alura: I've been trying to tell her that for weeks_

_#_

_Lucy: Fuck, I love seeing you at work. You look so fierce. Did Astra do your eye-make-up this morning?_

_Alura: How could you tell? She said I needed to 'intimidate those assholes'_

_Lucy: You're gorgeous, and intimidating, and text me when court gets out, I want to take you to dinner and then take you to bed._

_Alura: Done. Come now._

_Lucy: OMW_

_Lucy: Love you :)_

_Alura: Love you too_

_###_


End file.
